strange dreams

ever since i started on meds i have been having pretty vivid dreams. recently they have been a bit out of control and cokmbining vividness with a bit of anxiety. i'm not sure what i'm anxious about but whenever norm shows up as a possible romantic interest in my dreams its an anxiety dream. last night involved me being on a pusedodate and then falling pretty much in love with this guy i went to high school with. i'm pretty sure i never talked to him in my life. he also loved with jen and jenn, and maybe also jay artz or was definately supposed to be dan chetlin. time also moved really slowly in the dream and i ate meat. all in all it was crazy, but the coop had come up with a damn cool id card. i know this doesn't really explain any of my dreams. but how can you really describe the total vivid and possible but totally omplausible dreams.

in other worlds my gmail isn't working, which means i may have to drag myself an hour into work just to get my personal statement so i can work on it over the weekend. arg. double arg.

happy new year

hungover again

i love aram's parties. i cannot wait for summer and spring time to chill out on their awesome deck and backyard. but i love aram's parties b/c they are always dance parties and its always music i know and everyone likes to dance to like prince and old school michael jackson. thank you aram. and rock on with the wed night parties. and windsor terrece even seems like a pretty nice place. hey i think terrace bagels may be the best around. and it didn't take me so long to walk there or home. still glad i live in the slope though.

of course i woke up hungover, too much wine, and this pattern is going to make me beer or in this case wine, fat. hmm if i went to the gym these things would balance out. when i get back from mexico. which is clearly going to be this pattern for 10 days, plus several hours on the beach.

got to work yesterday to find that the coffee shop that i have come to depend on is closed. i hope that its just for this week and not for the whole college break. what will i do without my yogurt parfaits?

this tsunami thing is mind boggling to me.

i wonder if mollie and i come off as a couple? i think not to people who know us, but to that guy mark?c? last night probably. meh.

i just fucked over a cabbie

i didn't mean to. i did mental math wrong. i meant to give him $35 and instead only gave him $25 which was less than the metered fare. the guy didn't want to take me to brooklyn in the first place, which pissed me off and i'm convinced he went the longer route too jack up the fare, but in any case i was going to tip him at least decently. i looked he's not still downstairs. this must not be uncommon but it still sucks. cabbie-my sincerest apologies.

the name

so my nerve profile is of the same name as this, and a friend recently asked me why no 'h' at the end. honestly, i forgot. several years ago when on a trip to boston to visit some close friends from "da 'burgh" they questioned my loaylty to our hometown when i said that i identified myself as being from brooklyn. i've been here over 4 years. i could envision a future where i don't ever live more than 10 blocks from where i live right now. in my mind i am a new yorker. and the burg that every one associates with out here is of course williamsburg. a place i once wished to live. but no longer. but really its just that in combining the two it seemed natural to drop the 'h'

give me a break, i need to get a grip

so i spend one night making out and then not sleeping in this chain smoker's apt who i thought was fairly interesting in high school and i have already planned the nytimes wedding announcement. really though he's just another member of the cadre of men i occasionally pick up and then have amourphous relationships. usually they are jewish, an artist of some sort (this one's a photographer) we go out drinking, sometimes they rant, they think i'm deep b/c i'm quiet, we've hooked up or flirted. schwartz is a perfect examplar of this.
i mean seriously i rolled over yesterday morning and he was smoking a fucking cigarette in his room. does that qualify someone to be 'one of us' hell fucking no. so ok. i could just hook up with him occasionally (if i ever even see him again-which i probably will b/c i left some jewlery at his place) its nice to have some physical contact. but of course i've charted the rest of our lives together, and alternatively figured out how it would never work. but since in all honesty single heterosexual men and women can't be friends. if we ain't going to get married why not ditch it now. [ok i guess this is a prime example of what the boston girls call future catasrophising and my shrink calls black and white thinking-but seems just so much simpler that way]
seriously i wish cheap male prositutes who came with certificates of being d&d free were easier to find. of course i'd just start getting emotional over them as well.