welcome baby griffin !!!!

i can't wait to meet you and am sad that i will have to wait til april-unless of course you come to new orleans!!!!!

greiving process

read what my mom is going to read at the funeral tomorrow and it makes me feel like maybe i never really knew my grandmother. what i knew of her was parts that were very particular about things, often in ways that i disagreed with or couldn't care about. looking at old pics-mainly from when i was 5 or longer ago, she always had a smile on her face and looked happy in the pics, as you know that's not how i would describe her. which sort of makes me think, is there a prime of our lives? am i in mine? wasting mine? blah blah want a relationship blah blah same old same old. but its also sad to feel like i missed out in a relationship with her. also weird that both my parents are now orphans and an excuse i've used for not doing certain things in my life-like the jet program-is no longer valid.

finished yiddish policeman union. it was good and worth it, but not as good as cavlier and clay which was just amazing.

got the call i've been waiting for

my mom's mom passed away this morning. she was old (98) and did not have a great quality of life. funeral is monday morning. quick trip to the burgh.

i've said it before. i'll say it again. fuck you thor equities and your brightly colore3d silscreened logo blown up and put everywhere

and esp that i would like the logo if it wasn't yours...
waited in line forever at nathan's today and he beach was still populated when i got there. but ti was nice and empty the way i like it by the time i left. the weather was clammy, but i still love me my coney island.
i splurged and took myself on the stationary car of the wonder wheel. it does have a much better view

i feel like the summer is winding down and that makes me sad. i think i worked up a b'day plan. seriously everyone and their mother is out fo town for my b'day. but i do have a kickball game that night. i'm just going to invite people to come watch and i'll bring a cake. and i'll get drunk since i won't have to work the next day...

have shit to write but just can't be bothered

part of this has to do with only getting 6 hours of sleep a night everyda this week. that's not enough for me. part of it deals with just living my life as it comes.
went to the most hipster thing i have ever been to tonight. but it involved drinking on a roof so i shouldn't complain. some mock (they couldn't have been earnest, even though we did refer to it as the adorable side of hipsterdom) dance troop performing on the roof of some loft building that does furniture refinishing on the ground floor. about 6 blocks from my first apt in brooklyn. weird to walk through the old stomping grounds. the old car service has seriously spruced up, actual black cars instead of whatever car the polish guy could lay his hands on.
the bartender at enids was being incredibly bitchy to some mexican customers who apparently weren't tipping (as the bar tended mentioned its not int thier cultural norm to do so) so he fucking cut them off and said they had enough to drink. i almost bought them a round just to spite him.
must sleep/
later

when the burgh is pretty its damn pretty

good trip home. played tennis each day. damn i miss it. so much that i might shell out for lessons, but that whole court time thing here is an issue with my pocketbook and alarm clock. saw the chihuly exhibit. it was pretty great. my mom is considering buying one of his small pieces, which is more money than i would have thought, and i'd say now worth it.

i dunno that i'm ever going to finish midnight's children. i like it and all, but it doesn't draw me to it. started yiddish policeman's union, i have high hopes, like cavelier and clay amazing high hopes. we'll see.

some guy is attempting to hit on me via friendster. while i'm definitely looking for guys to hit on me (and more importantly actually want to be with me) i'm not sure how i feel about this one.

you would have made me give it back otherwise/put people on payroll and you won't have these fuckups

email from the head of my school in response to the the email i sent saying hey you paid me twice and i'm ripping up one of the checks (and the number of the check i ripped up)

"Dear Brookburg:

Thank you so much! You are a real gem."

i totally should have deposited the money. it would have taken them ages to realize what they had done. but fat chance i would have still had it when they did finally figure it out and make me pay them back.

kickball=nipples

i interacted with three guys nipples tonight. licking or fondling. i chalk it up as throw back to my flashing days but some how in reverse and making them more of molesting days.

last night i ran into my supervisor that i still owe work. oops. luckily he had no interest in talking to me, which is sad b/c he is a cool guy. he's probably going to burning man.

kickball in the rain is fun, its been a while since i haven't cared about getting wet and haven't run for cover. the guys throwing water balloons were however obnoxious and in need of some aim.

i have a huge bruise from where they drew blood yesterday, they had a hell of a time finding a vein and kept calling me a vampire.

bedtime.

peeing in the ocean, fire on the beach, thefirst guy a kissed with a tongue ring, am i hard core enough for burning man?

i'm pretty sure the answer to that is no. nor do i want to be. and also i get weird about taking time off of work for shit like that. oh and yeah-i don't do drugs and am not a fan of multi day outdoor festivals. but it i could helicopter in for part so of it that would be grand.

levinermans, i ran into josh bloomenfled last night. he was one of the organizing body of the art parade i was at and one of the main fire show people. its hard for me to reconcile his burning man ways with his zbtness. also he always recognizes me but never remembers we've seen each other since sophomore year a couple times. (ps i am so fucking jealous of your being in ireland, or your getting there later this week, i want to hang out in howth. i was looking at some pics of the west coast this morning and damn is it gorgeous!)

last evening i had been pretty sad that it looked like i wasn't going to end up at coney island at all this weekend. little did i know the art parade/renegade parade and fire show would end up at at coney island. i was of course loving it. spent some time down by the water as is always needed. and in fact the line at cha chas was out of control and so we went to pee in the ocean. in term os leave no trace ethics its fine, so didn't feel bad about it al all. i need to explain to my kids that they need to not pee in the lake we are going to at the end of the week bc that does violate leave no trace as its not a big lake.

dancing at cha chas' lat night the irish kid i was haning out with commented on how americans all look so normal dancing in american, but like idiots that are all elbows in when they come over ot ireland. it made me even more super self conscious about dancing. its weird how not often i am actually in the mood to dance these days regardless of my blood alcohol level.

now i've been paid twice for june. sadly i can't keep the money.

ok so sadly i can't do everything i wanted to do today. esp if that involves showering, but i did have a very full day and should be pleased. went to my first yoga class ever-the teacher sucked but i'll go for me. gotta bunch of fruit from the greenmarket i forgot it was summer. summer means fruit i will eat guilt free cause its in season! and saw a dance performance that was kinda acrobatic and cool, but not as cool as lava or streb at brooklyn bridge park. then i sadly came home at my favorite time to be outside and wish i would have been at the beach. oh well. the one sad thing about kickball is it takes away my sunday evening beach time

one of my blood tests involved a finger prick-that shit hurts like a mother-what the hell.

that post pool dedehydrated but happy feeling

thus far fridays have been so easy at camp, i love it. and i love that i get paid to swin laps and dive in the deep end and not have a clue where my kids are or what mischief they are up to. adn then the whole afternoon is planned and i have half of it off. although i did have to have a heart to heart with a kid who's best friend at camp is making new friends and he feels left behind. its sad.

umm. was yesterday not the most beautiful day ever or what? went for a post work drink in riverside park and it was amazing. so wish every day could be like that. and we saw two red tailed hawks to boot. so sweet.

looks like we found a new roommate last night, second person we met. she's also a teacher. got a good vibe. hopefully it works out and stays stress free.

OMG a want to go to the joeseph cornell exhibit at the peabody essex so badly. its going to san fran afterwards, so it seems like i need to make the trip to salem if i want to catch it.


i have to have some bloodwork done and due to the lack of health insurance thing am going to a sliding scale walk-in clinic tomorrow. i can think of more fun things to do with my saturday but my plan is to be there when they open and hopefully be in and out...

are you kidding me its only tuesday?

so apparently my check for june isn't going to be written until thursday and then probably sent out on friday. i want to write a mean email, but also need to be diplomatic-something i have a problem with. but tis not ok. anyone have any suggestions for phrasing?

i met a choreographer who is a former dancer for streb on the train the other night.

i saw most of children of men and some of devil wears prada this past weekend, i'd like to finish both, but preferably at more reasonable hours than i was watching them.

i'm too hot to make this post witty sorry. have a good wed

i finally broke down and bought an ac

i was told it had an energy star rating but i don't see see it and its EE isn't bad and frankly i can't go another night without sleeping due to heat.
pilates got canceled for the third session in a row. this makes me sad. i didn't go to they gym today but i did interview a guy that writes for the nation and democracy now and testifies before the senate as a potential roommate. we were both pretty much in love and jealous of him.
my uniform for tomorrow is not clean. this is problematic. i will find a solution somehow. or not. whatever.

sometimes i wish i could crtyy on demand

or not cry as the case may have been this week. in some ways my week was fine and full of summer, in some way it was shitty. hopefully the shittyness will not carry over into this week or have repercussions for beyond. i have to take a short course of some meds today /tomorrow that should be taken 12 hours apart. i really dont' want to wake up at 4 am, so i'm hoping 14.5 hours won't fuck things up too much. should i state again how much i hate this country's health care system?
kickball tonight was fun. i got drunk. we play some damn sloppy ball the last game, seriously sloppy. the role of pitcher was taken awy from me sadly. the idiots who were setting off firecrackers n the filed deserve to be booted. totally they suck. next week.
didn't do any of the cultural stuff i wanted to do today and am going to bed way too late for the second night in a row. oh summer. some day it'll pay off.

deno's wonder wheel

thanks to chill for the suggestion. we went in a swinging car, which was cool, but doesn't go as high-and therefore doesn't have as good a view-as the stationary car. but i figured out some of the design/mechanics behind how the swinging works. such a physics/engineering geek i can be. in college i would also say how i was looking for an engineer, but not an enginerd. in any case i need to ride the wheel again but in a stationary car this summer.

my power cord officially died this morning so a quick trip the soho store was required. annoying but now i can use my computer so quite necessary. i still haven't been paid for june which leaves $60 not already allocated in my checking account. this is not cool in any way.

so much i want to do tomorrow i don't know how i will fit it all in...

i got paid to have much fun this morning

the riverdale pool we go swimming in now is quite nice and after instructional swim, i got to hang out and swim laps and do cannonballs. and got a lesson in kick turns but i still need some practice. mad fun and i got paid. need to make sure my kids have suncreen on though, as some clearly got too much sun today.
the princess bride was rained out and they aren't rescheduling it, which makes me very sad. i love that movie. instead went to bar toto and had a couple glasses of wine, i basically slept through the second one though.

how to tell its july in nyc...

jews for jesus are out in full force in the subways. gotta love their now old to me cartoon that they use for proselytizing.
still haven't been paid for june, and don't get paid til august for my summer job. fun fun fun.
its humid. no fun at all.
prncess bride tonight in brooklyn bridge park. two of my favorite things!

fireworks are better in moderation

it was really hard to remember that today isn't the weekend and actually i should be asleep b/c i have to deal with the kiddies very soon.
i let myself have a shitty day, which i shouldn't have done. the new pornographers show was ok. i don't think i love their music. if i had been at the killers show i would have had a fantastic day! nto that the were playing, i'm just saying (they are of course playing oxygen this year). why do i LOVE ths killers but am not so into the shins or new pornographers.
barbq at chills was good, nice mix of people. a couple peeps i wish i had chatted with more.
my mind was distracted back into my bad mood during the fireworks. sadly. but in any case i think that sing fireworks can have much more of a dramatic aesthetic effect than the multiple ones. i also had never really thought about the environmental damage before, but they are of course not so friendly
got my yoga pass, and my pilates got canceled tomorrow maybe i will try and check out a class after work before the princess bride.
i really want/need to see the richard serra show, the show at the whitney that isn't the stupid summer of love one.

i'm back and i'm pissed

is it really too much to ask to get as good as i give? i'm a pretty fucking awesome person, and yes i can be really selfish, but i can also be incredibly considerate and why can't i get that back in return?
soo pissed at my own stupidity, and of course as always at boys and my situation with them.
but on the up side. i shot the freak last night at coney island. its fairly easy to hit a stationary target, but now i can say i've done it none the less.
also saw some far away fireworks displays in jersey and aq couple of i have to assume gulls flying over the water after dark-which was surprising. they were alone and its late for migration season, so maybe they just were out for late night fly to get some air and think.