been a while, anyone out there?

rough times though, oh woe is me.
general winter blues
standard feeling disconnected from my friends, and/or lack of friends
but the new is feeling totally bored and blaise and unmotivated with life and not happy with anything but work
the feeling of wanting to have a baby (but worrying that is just to fill in the emptyness and not totally real--also is it fair to a kid to only have 1)
the situation with mr civic is bad, we fight or ignore our fights and make like everything is ok.  we go back and forth and have the same conversation over and over, like what chad (what is his blog name?) and did before we broke up.  i'm not sure i want to keep the relationship going, but am certainly scared of being alone, and not being comfortable.  but our relationship is not fun in or out of the house.