don't let me on email when alone and drunk/the sky atmoshpere clouds are crazy things

so i have a 'great view' of manhattan from my apt, and its really interesting to see how it changes on different days depending upon light-which is dependent upon cloud levels. lower manhattan is not that far away yet sometimes its totally gone, or like today its painted onto a totally white canvas, or sometimes the bright blue sky is so awesome.

discovered the world's best snack last night, but crazy addictive and so yummy and high in fat content-roasted pistachios from sahadi's. so light, so good, yummy!

this dating thing is driving me crazy. so fucking jealous of people who've got it all set (i know i know ups and downs and not that easy, yadda yadda yadda)

the tenure of my living by myself in a 3 bedroom apt is soon coming to a close. sad, not that its been a long time since i've had roommates, but its been a while since i've had new ones, and while i'm sure these women are fine, they are also strangers and our shower is having major draining issues. i have also been surprisingly clothed during my tenure of living alone. you all know how i love to be naked, but there is not so much with the heat in my apt. my stuff is inppropriately strewn everywhere though.

some random info about me in a meme form:
Four jobs you've had in your life: children's toy store, taking pictures of kids brains, note-taker ( i know can you believe with my handwriting!), food pantry warehouse manager

Four movies you could watch over and over: 10 things i hate about you, a knight's tale, notting hill, parts of clueless (no one said the best movies i've seen)

Four places you've lived: dublin 6, greenpoint brooklyn, university city (st louis) MO, point breeze (da 'burgh)

Four TV shows you love to watch: grey's anatomy, dawson's creek, newshour with jim lehr, mash

Four places you've been on vacation: switzerland, oregon coast, napa valley, toronto

Four websites you visit daily: gothamist, gmail, questionablecontent, suburbanbliss

Four of your favorite foods: variations on onions and potatoes

Four places you'd rather be: the beach on a sunday afternoon in the summer, paragliding in switzerland again, with the girls from the burgh, mickey and the wasp, snuggling in bed with someone

Four albums you can't live without: neutral milk hotel (the carrot flowers one), paul simon graceland, postal service's first album, a mix with some: sonvolt, gomez, indgo girls, sarah harmer, bruce, filled out by random songs that i've gotten and love from hoya

the answer is yes

am i a snob for looking down on my date today for not knowing that ken kesey was the main character of and not the author of 'electric kool-aid acid test'? i also schooled him on a little basic psychology that i would have assumed he would have learned in his mind brain class in med school, but maybe they aren't so much on how the brain functions there.

went to two nice cafes today.
am now home for dinner but since i cleaned all the junk out of my fridge it is completely bare. makes me want to spend more money and order in, maybe i'll suck it up and get a slice from the new place downstairs

a couple of cool phrases/phrases i liked from this month's believer:
ok i just went back to find them, and can't now. but as always its a damn good read. i'm also really into the idea of this story by shelley jackson who is printing her story one word at a time by tattooing individuals with just one word of the story
http://ineradicablestain.com/skin.html

i'm posting this without permsion/calling all squirrel hill kids

but how fucking perfectly does this capture blue slide park? i didn't write this, some guy at squeegee films did:

When I was young, I lived near a park. The park had the most gorgeous
undulating hills, so unlike the topography of New York City. They
rolled downward into a basin, like snake backs lolling their way toward
a morsel. We would start at the top, all giggles and flailing. Lying
down, wrapping our arms inward and then letting go. If you opened your
eyes while you rolled to the bottom, you'd find yourself staring at
blades of grass. Up close, dandelions and then sky and then tree bark
in a swirly anamorphic blur. The blood in your body would collect in
your head; you could taste it, iron and loamy. The winner was who could
stand up at the tree at the base of the hill first. And standing up was
always tough. After the dizziness subsided, we would walk to the shop
mart and make bargains for blueberry slushies and see if there were any
bottlecaps in the gutter worth collecting. Like an old YooHoo or a
vintage Coca-Cola.

Then in the winter, it was made for sledding. On plastic sheets, the
length of a small body. When the snow was packed down after the first
couple tries, it was like flying. I should've closed my eyes that one
time when I did it. The first time I flew solo. But I didn't. And I ran
into a sled, just to the left of my eye. I blacked out. When I woke up,
I was staring at blue tinged snow, packed in front of me. I could hear
the sounds of people sledding, the laughter, the screams. I could taste
the iron, the loam. I looked down and saw a puddle of red in front of
me. And I was unconscious again. When I think of it, now, I imagine
that I was someone else, running back to my house to tell my parents.
But I don't know if someone did that. I only think they did.

the f train is always crowded

this city is empty-rain, sunday night 11pm, christmas and yet the train is crowded-not packed but yaysh (hebrew word for there that i use as an abb. in my handwriting a lot) peeps on it.

so i was at dinner tonight with a bunch of friends of a friend, all of whom i've met before and generally really like. 1) i felt like being a vegetarian was a totally radical thing to do
2) also one person there is pregnant, without the help of anything i think, and some pregnancy discussions came up, and i mentioned that there are 3 sets of fraternal twins in my class and how fertility drugs are changing demographics. apman expounded (off the cuff so not necessarily his views-i'm couching this as for someone i think he might read this, except i know he doesn't) on how that's the way to go. just go on the drugs and have the twins off the bat and there is your family of four. now i have no idea what it feels like to really want to produce children and have them come from your body and be genetically yours and your partners'. but i wanted to go off on how adoption should be a viable option and drugs fuck things up. as i'm writing this i'm now thinking i wouldn't go off on him for saying he wanted two kids or two-but its the use of the drugs that seems fucked up and just going straight to them is not natural

also i didn't light candles tonight. mainly bc i don't have any and couldn't find any in chinatown today-i walked past the judaica stores they were just closed-but maybe i'll say that i didn't do it b'c i'm not into celebrating military victories where many people were needlessly killed in the aftermath. i do like the idea that at hannukah warring parties/ friends in a tiff are supposed to come to the table and work shit out though. if i've wronged you-contact me lets talk it out over a latke

the weekend of the eastern european music

disclaimer: i'm getting sick. this makes me feel sorry for myself, and exacerbates feelings on loneliness and how cold my apt feels. and it doesn't make it better that i'm going to a chinese restaurant tonight that has zero veggie dishes (well very few) and that its raining. and where are my hiking boots?

while researchinga little question that popped into my head last night i discovered that adam from guster (the one i totally had a crush on) has a side project-the LeeVees who are touring with bnl and doing some of the jewltide shows. they do indie funny hannukah songs-or at least that's what i've heard so far. almost makes me want to go to the concert tomorrow, but i'm ushering for measure for measure. probably also a good deal.

so i think its kinda crazy, this eastern european music revival. my weekend has been all klez/balkan all the time. last night i went to the brooklyn hipsterish/scensterish/engaged in the world version of the matzah ball. all the usual suspects were there and i had a good time, alas basically only the usual suspects were there, so no real chance to pull. it started off with a social justice candle lighting ceremony which was cool, but for which they only had 6 people to light candles-that felt like a little faux paw. then balkan beat box played. they were pretty good. they did a klezmerfied cover of a macy gray song (hell i'm just impressed i could recognize it as macy gray i have no idea which one-on another tangent the first time i heard that album was senior year of college when the mordnt's were playing bridge) good dancing. eclectic music, not as kelz as i would have predicted. but the hungry march band-which was promoted to me as a balkan band also did not sound so eastern european. in any case it was an enjoyable time considering it was a bunch of us kids getting drunk-i got a nice buzz, and pretending not to be checking the scene and looking to pull, there b/c where else would one go on xmas if you live in brooklyn, but incredibly checking the scene and looking to pull. shout out to the 88th st girls for making to brooklyn.

today i worked klez for kids at ESP. a good concert though their shtick sucked, and one guy in the band wasn't even pretending to want to be there, and i didn't need to hear it twice. this was standard klez, which has grown on me since my mom dragged me to the klezmatics concert at the jcc years ago. i am definitely fascinated by the trumpet which i just think is great and the accordion-how the hell does it work?

who wants to go to barbes on thursday to see the jug band?
enjoy your holiday food yinz.

oh on a totally different scary note, i saw a bencher printed from 770 headquarters. scary. the english lets go out and proselytize songs freaky and bad and i know i've definitely sung the propaganda songs. but the one about the small college campus and the kid not sure where he fits in til he gets welcomed to the chabad house!?!

insta-funk

i got passed over for an internship that i really wanted for next semester. which makes me sad, think i'm not good and will never get a decent job and put me in a funk. i know i know its ok to be disappointed, any hey now i don't have to worry about the commute to the bronx.. but still. i need environmental teaching experience!
and of course being in a funk, makes me not want to do my work and to think about how i'm not with someone and how i don't even have anyone to light the stupid hannukah candles with 'cause everyone i know is going away on sunday. makes me sad.
i'm going to try and find a partner for iced hot chocolate again tonight.

i've been wondering what mark green was up to

in the past 4 years since he lost for mayor. today i heard he may run for attny general against pirro, who so wisely finally decided to drop out of the race against hillary. i thought i would love to see mark replace elliot (though i will be very sad to see elliot go) but not if he was goofing off for the past 4 years, looks like he started a liberal think tank. good enough for me.

in other words, while working and discussing books with nyu writer at this chocolate themed coffee shop/wine bar i heard some amazing music, seriously this guys play list just kept getting better and better and it was all old school.

email from my dad

Dearest,

How are you coping without public transportation?

Please do take care to dress warmly when you're walking and try not to rely
on offers of transportation by people whom you do not know.

Love you.

Dad

is this irony?

so the subway and buses are on strike. but from my window i can occasionally see a train coming down the tracks. -supervisors are running trains over the rails to maintain them.

in other news i think this is the first strike i've lived through. meh today i am doing homework i should have already done, in stead of footing it to the uws and tomorrow i will walk to student teaching

also do i really care if bloomberg's shoes that he walked across the bridge in are tassled?

also my roommate is moving tomorrow and leaving me lots of food, is it ok if i start eating it now-even if i'm not totally sure what;s she leaving. is it taboo to ask?

good and bad news

the good news: mazel tov to aaron and joelle on their engagement. [so many of the wasp and i's vacations are deemed by wedding plans. but hey we had a blast the last time we were in seattle. and certainly neither of us will complain about going to ireland this summer]

the bad news: wishing a refuah schlemah to my dad's cousin's husband marty who had prostate cancer surgery last week.

boston was fun as always. friends, wine, good bar, breakfast potatoes and 2 words: shoalin soccer.
I had wanted to see this movie when it was in the theater. I’m so glad I didn’t. but I am so glad that we on demanded it. Craziness all around, and the dubbing with an accent factor just added to it all around.
Considered taking the train back, but the Chinatown bus landed me closer to home and costs 1/6th the price. And it also avoids the hell which is the cross bronz abd part of the greyhound experience It was good to have a nice and seemingly forever shabbes dinner with lots of wine with hoya, and tilda (in from seattle) and the levinermans and much wine. So much that I put the candles on slip and slide buddy’s cake backwards. Oops. Its really amazing that they let me teach reading. Normally Friday nights I eat dinner and chat for a couple hours and promptly fall asleep on the 12 st ladies couch at a respectable 10:30 or 11. when you start dinner at 6pm, its not as respectable to fall asleep at 8pm.

Went into the infamous nomad the other night. It’s a cool store. It reminds me a lot of this store in great barrington that has these great ceramic plates and serving pieces that I was a little obsessed with every time we used to go to GB on a sat night-the small things that make me miss spending my weekends at Freedman.

Someone I know’s announcement was in the times yesterday. I’ve never met her husband, but it turns out he’s 11 years older than her. My parents have several friends with a big age gap. My great and uncle are a decade apart and were married by my age, but still that seems kinda crazy. In part I am used to spending all my time with people in such a narrow age range. But in 3 years, she’s going to be married to a 40 year old which is much scarier than the idea of in 3 years being married to a 30 year old. (I think the date with the 33 year old slate writer went well by the way).

leaving on a jet plane

don't know i'll be back again. i have a feeling i will suck it up and fly back if slipandslide buddy or brandave will give me ride to the airport. but i'm off to bean town to celebrate slip and slide buddy's birthday! happy birthday. you rock.
ok got to return some mad overdue library books.

anyone have any tips for my drain. it is impossible to keep my shower clean and have it drain, in fact doing either is kinda a problem. drano hasn't seemed to help.

figured it out

FIGURED OUT A WAY to go to boston this weekend regardless of the strike. i will still be famished when i get there, hope i don't miss the plane.

i had an interview yesterday that made me feel really smart, mainly b/c i didn't think so much of the intelligence of the person giving us the tour. hope she doesn't read this.

apparently my roommate is now moving out on tuesday. but the new person for feb can make it in for jan. i am thinking about renting out the rooms for the week between xmas and new years. anyone need a cheap place to crash or a quick sublet?

have a jdate tonight. its his first, so even if i like him, i assume it will go nowhere. and then a coop shift. oh yeah i should be doing my work for the zoo tomorrow or even just my papers for next week, but whateves.

Oh-I'm not that petty, as cool as I am, I thought you'd know this already

(this post is long and a little self indulgent. you've been warned. i wanted it to be critical, i think it just rambles.)
except that i am afraid of women, and men, and material possessions. well maybe that's being a little melodramatic. me? never.

so saturday i went to this incredible apt/house for this breakaway/newly formed minyan. first of all the space was amazing. we tried to figure out where they got the money for this extra wide three story with deck exposed brick, renovated fireplace, damn high ceilings house in prime park slope (formerly south slope) location. he's a writer (never heard of the one book i found on amazon and she's a talmud scholar). so first thing i'm struck with is damn. these people are not that much older than me and have this fucking amazing house and barely even have a 4 piece set of matching silverware (anyone who's been over for dinner knows i have about 3 knives to my kitchen-unlcear where they all went but that's another rambling post). sometimes i feel old and sometimes i feel so young. i'm not young. and material possessions don't define maturity or richness of life, but its a hard comparison to make between my apt-and the apts of most of my friends

2nd thing wedding rings. right have i mentioned that i want a life partner? and how i feel bad when i am surrounded by bunches of people who have appeared to found theirs and then there is me... but there was fresh blood there, to bad i didn't get to speak to any of it though.

3rd maybe this isn't so awful, but that's only b/c there were some people i like there. i am generally pretty down on the break away minyan groups. i think that they can have a tendency to splinter a community more than bring it together and that they tend to be pretty myopic when then in part run away from bar mitzvah services, but have infants who they will want to have a formal service for when they hit the appropriate age. maybe it was the awesome space, but there was something homey feeling about it.

4th love hate relationship with the multiple worlds and not feeling tight with many people, and walking in to a room where i know lots of people but that still doesn't put me at ease b/c i don't feel close or at ease with them. the people i do feel uber tight with either live mad far west or even farther east than i do. there are a couple around the corner as well but even though they are rocks in my life and community they aren't the people i'd be out at bars with on sat night (mainly b;c they don't like to do that) and then i got dissed by the third grader from the school where i used to student teach. we weren't close-i'm not with any student, and maybe she was shy or its weird to see your teachers, but there were other faculty members there.

5th do people know my name? a bunch of kids ended up at this impromptu lunch including this kid that i have seen around the jew events a bunch and separately heard his name a bunch but just for the first time that day matched the name to the face. when he walked into the kitchen he said hi brookburg. i was shocked he knew my name. nyu_writer mentioned that maybe i'm known in the same way other people know me as a neighborhood person, but i don't think so. i think i fade into the woodwork. no that's not true. but i do feel fairly out of the loop in the whole cool kid 20 something brooklyn jew scene. and to tell you the truth maybe that's ok with me. its just that i do want to feel in the loop somewhere with an n of more than 2. going back to the multiple worlds thing of number 4.

last night during a verbal dissection session the term babyman was used to describe some almost 30 somethings we know. that's a non-sequitur. but i do remember when i found out my friend urbanplannerman was divorced at 27 i freaked out and then when i met a 32 year old the next month i freaked out wondering why he hadn't been married. now that a few years of passed its not a big deal. i know some married peeps. i know some divorced peeps. i know some peeps having babies. its just part of life. but still the biggest proportion of people i know (certainly in new york but also beyond) are some fucking amazing single women who can seamlessly switch from an intense conversation about the rise of inner-city crack use and institutionalized racism in the criminal justice system one minute to analyzing the minute details of someone's dating prospects the next.

another non-sequitur if bell hooks came of age now, in the age of im would she still not use capital letters for her name. its not a reactionary thing now, its a thing of ease

nyuwritergirl (i forget what your code name is) hope you got some sleep and it was great as always to spend so much of a weekend with you

quickie

shout out to writing teacher for pulling through (hopefully)
i got two new roommates so that seems to be settled.
just need a conclusion and can turn in my paper that is now 4 weeks late.
much to say about communities and continuity and being part of multiple worlds but have to go to school to prep lessons that i am not ready for.

all of the above

1. i'm lonely
2. i received a card from hoya send to the totally wrong zip code but still got it within 2 days. the mail service is cool sometimes. and where is 13xxx?
3. snow, no clean clothes, too much heat in my room and must be in the bronx at 8:45am
4. can't get cooperating teacher to talk to me about letting me do more
5. feel unable to help all the kids with all their issues
6. everwood and dinner from zaytoon's at chills. didn't want to leave there. her place has a warm glow. mine just has bone sucking heat
7. i hate when i ask people simple questions in emails and they don't respond. like hey do you prefer to be called nev or neville b'c you introduced yourself as neville but sign your emails nev. simple question so i know how to address you from now on. figuring out what to call people in emails in tough.
8. i didn't buy a plane ticket and the price went up and i have no idea how i'm going to get to boston next weekend.

fertikity drugs screw up demographics

remember when twins were cool oddities not all over the place?
there are 3 twins in my current class of 27 (all fraternal).
in my last class of 13 there were two sets in the class, one was a triplet but the 3rd goes to another school.
people may i recommend an awesome thing called adoption-no stretch marks!

why do i screw myself over like this?

i am screwed as i am not sober enough to do my work, and yet have a lot to do. seriously. arg. why did i start drinking tonight, (why did i even go to the going away party and then chat with two guys at the bar instead of talking to anyone from the party) why did i then drink the second whiskey sour even though i knew it would make me drunk-i am such a cheap date. even if the drink was free. i didn't need it. and now i can't edit my paper and don't have my poem written for tomorrow.
shit.

its a fucking cruel joke

my roommate who moved in in sept just announced she is out feb 1st. leaving me with currently two vacant rooms. i can't deal. seriously.

how much do i want to self publish?

seriously this coffee shop gets cooler every time i have an interaction with it....
http://instabook.voxpopnet.net/4436.html
too bad its not closer to where i live (but that almost makes it cooler)
franz ferdinand is getting seriously heavy rotation from me...

the kindness of strangers

so i spent some time on a intership interview in the bronx today and had a great kindness of strangers encounter, but that also created an awkward encounter.
so i exit the train with this guy (who i have of course noticed is cute). we take the eleveator and make totally normal chit chat. get off say have a nice day and start walking up the hill at different speeds. i notice that he gets into a cool car (old volvo) and kinda want him to offer me a ride since i am late and am trekking far up a steep hill. but then he totally pulls over and offers me a ride. i accept. we make small talk. 90 seconds later he drops me off. ok so interview goes fine, i'd even say well. i leave and as i'm walking out the gate he drives past going the other way with his incredibly cute lab (people from the burgh think sampson). he stops i pet the dog. he offers me a ride back. i take it, i just missed the train, we chat for a little while. then it gets to be an awkward time since i have to wait another hour for the train, and i'm also in this strangers car... and while i'm in the car the person i just interviewed with walks by and sees me in the car. it was weird. i got out of the car as the small talk got less forthcoming and then proceeded to spend the next hour and a half making professionalish (i have problems doing this) small talk with the person who just interviewed me. luckily she didn't ask about the incident in the car, as that would seem super shady, and i couldn't come up with an excuse-like he's a friend of a friend i happened to run into. b/c it would have been weird to get a ride that far. this is really a better story than how i'm portraying it.
the bronx is far.
i must make it back to my house and do some serious lesson and interview prep and its already 10:30. fuck me. please.