first nathan's of the season

said it before, but have to say it again-fuck you thor equities for taking down my batting cage and the only decent mini-golf in the city.

i love heading to the beach even for an hour just to sit and watch the waves (as we all know i am mesmerized by moving water) and watch the changing of the light. need to remember that for a short outing a small lemonade is plenty. i left when the sun went down past the buildings but it wasn't dark yet (i hate that the beach faces southeast and you can't watch the sunset. i need to get some friends in sea gate-not that i'm into gated communities but it does have the sunset on the beach view)
looking east out of the train on the way home, the deep blue color of the sky was magnificent and contrasted so well in such a great way over the newly green leaved trees. so fucking pretty.

happy birthday springy!!

thoughtless

so i was out with a friend tonight who was in a very understandable rather bad mood and thought that an act i was engaged in was rude and asked me to stop. i didn't agree with his reasoning and still don't think i do. i commented that it was an act of selfishness, making something easier for me, he retorted that no i was just thoughtless. i pretty much stopped in my tracks and felt like that was a huge blow. at that point it got dropped. being called thoughtless feels incredible harsh to me, kinda like the wind is knocked out of me. the last time i remember having the same reaction to someone criticizing me was during orientation week of avodah when i was called out on my cell phone usage. thoughtless feels like a word my dad would use when he was mad or disappointed and could make me feel pretty crappy and small. but why is selfish somehow less harsh of a word? does it have to do with the specific action, in this case i think its hard for me b/c i still don't see his reasoning, i guess i do i just don't agree but that would be with the rude feeling. oh well.

so i found out today that one of my kids is a blood. i found out but was kind of in disbelief, well actually the first thought that ran through my head is what is so bad a bout a gang. this kid lives in harlem. what's bad? it exponentially increases his chance of getting shot and going to jail, which are unfortunately already well above zero due to the color of his skin and zip code. but i just live such a sheltered reality that yeah while i know its out there and bad shit goes down, it is so different from the stress in my life i just can't possible really comprehend it.

its really hard to hear my roommate cry over his ex when i'm in the living room. it pulls my heartstrings. understandable all around. but still sucks for him.

i've been meaning to get my wilderness first aid

i think i should get it sooner rather than later as i had to remove 3 ticks last night from 7th graders. luckily they were wood ticks and not deer ticks, but it totally freaked the kids. took the saturday 7th graders up to the woods for an overnight. they were so fucking loud it was crazy. and such babies about climbing the mountains. seriously i have never heard frogs so loud and these kids were drowning them out. hearing the frogs made me ache to go back to monte verde. the area up there is really pretty, esp the view across the lake where we had the campfire last night (the kids could have cared less out staring at the fire WTF who are they-although they did like the cookout and marshmallows)

i'm pretty sure my co-teacher, who you all know i am less then fond of is going to be fired for his fucked up way of interacting with the kids and sleeping through the whole hike instead of staffing it and instead of telling any other staff member he wasn't feeling well.

oh the b48 what a good bus

it was good to see you this morning.

so poll results seem inconclusive. is it sktechy that no middle name has my jdate picture as the wall paper on his laptop? since we met a week ago?

i so do not want to go on this trip with the 7th graders tomorrow. i should so be asleep. by grey's anatomy is calling.

pen writers panel

3 job day today. all were less painful than i thought any of them would be. so far this week has been less stressful than i thought, but i still need to rent some movies for middle schoolers by sat. um do you know the last time i rented a movie or rather had a card to do so?

the panel was good, i wasn't into all of the writers, i couldn't understand all of them but neil gaiman read a great poem (even if grog thinks he is full of himself) instructions-if you are ever trapped in a fairy tale-it was cute. i was really into what rushdie read-it sounded more essayish but i'm pretty sure it came from a novel. and my love for nadine gordimer was totally re-ignited. i think i read everything she wrote in barnes and noble junior and senior year of high school. steve martin is a good performer, but i have no need to go get his memoir-and i love memoirs, but usually i love them more when a lot of drug (preferably heroine) is involved.

hey wasp it was on my agenda to call you tonight, its been too long and we need to plan seattle but now it 11:30 and i need to sleep.

stone temple pilots/splashed boiling water on my ankle today

after my grimadli's outing with a native new yorker who had never been there and a way too short stop at the water-damn it is a pretty view and me and moving water are seriously in love, i stopped by trout a bit to chill with chill and co. they were playing the stone temple pilots album we think. but it was good and hadn't heard it in ages.

due to some of my own stupidity and that i don't teach in a real science lab i ended up splashing some boiling water on my ankle while teaching today. i was very proud of myself for not busting out with a very loud fuck as i was quite tempted to do.

had something literary to say, but don't remember and need to go to sleep b/c i'm am idiot and agreeed to work tomorrow. in the beginning of the year i was concerned about money and would take any job. now, while i'm not rich, i'm totally fine and need to sleep and do some other work more than the money i'll be paid for subbing. at least the kids are cute and i'm doing math-which i like.

why does everyone assume that the snarky note on my fridge was written by me?

2/3 of the people who live in my apt are interested in biological males and the other 3rd'll date trans males. yes i did write it when i came home bitter one night, but still why just off the bat assume its me?

boris yeltsin died. weird. people always die, but it seems like more big name people are dying of late. i think in part its that i've just lived long enough to know of a bunch of big name people, so that hearing about someone dying i'm more likely to know the name.

i saw a recent city of pgh employee id yesterday. the thing is so fucking old school. still laminated, i forget if the info was written or typed, but the photo was definitely pasted on. now in some ways why does everything have to have the latest technology if the old school stuff works just as well? and probably has a lower environmental impact (jn this case, not for everything) and costs less?

good thing i didn't buy my plane ticket yet

b/c apparently i'm not chaperoning the 7th grade trip to dc.

my roommate and his boyfriend finally called it quits. which is very very sad in the short term but definitely the best thing in the long term. sad to see him sad though.

yesterday i wanted to reference pipper's peck (my first kiss) but i'm not sure how to do that in a pc way. i'm sure if i continue hanging out with no middle name it'll come up again.

ok i need to get out and enjoy this beautiful day

pittsburgh really does seem to be the nexus

i had a whole post that actually included information but i am too fucking tired to remember it.
when you wake up at 7:30 after going to bed around 2 or 3 the solution is to go back to sleep not to start reading and they stay up fucking around until after a really big brunch that puts you to sleep. or do some of the work you have so you aren't so fucked! or need to nap instead of going to skeeball with the georgians. i think i would have kicked there ass too.

does anyone use olive oil as facial moisturizer? my brunch companion does, i saw him do it, i thought it was weird. i finally figured out who he reminded me of, it was a combination in looks of silver, this kid i went to high school with that pamster dated after college and jacob fine, and personality a mix of silver and jacob. it was driving me crazy for a while that i couldn't place it.

so do i go to book club? when the hell am i going to get this work done? I am so fucking screwed, b/c i am of course going to book club but also so fucking tired. and i have so much shit to do this week. fuck me.

but in brighter news today was the first day i wore a skirt. we debated saying shehchianu.

ha-i was just called bright and discerning.

um. ok i'm not stupid and i get shit. i guess maybe i'll give you bright, i'm just not informed-which is a bad thing. but discerning? its called being a major fucking snob.

oh and also what i should be called is a procrastinator and fucked for all the work i have to do before sunday.

why do i blog

i feel like i'm being forced to answer/ask/reconsider this question.
part of the reason i don;t sign up for rss feed (part is contrariness, part is something else or i would be a totally hypocrite and i think i'm just a partial hypocrite in general) is that i think its too easy for us to not do anything with intention, or think about our actions when they become so mechanized and automatic. there is something rewarding about seeking out information and not just information, but a way to make something present in your life. in terms of blogs it makes you (aka me) think about a person, and take action, however mechanized and only realized in 1's and 0's to connect with a person. or maybe not and thats all fru fru thinking. i'm not a libertarian and i do have pipe dreams of being an artist of some-sorts so i do think that its ok for me to determine on what terms you interact with the information i am putting out there in the world (that has the potential for sounding much more megalomaniac than i am) so why do i have aha pass on rss feed info, its another form of control. and i'm a hypocrite-and right, probably more of a reason, i'm human with all the good, bad and inconsistent that comes with it. besides half the people who check this have no idea what an rss feed is anyway.

in other news i don't think my roommate has slept for more than an hour at a time nor for more than 6 total since saturday night. in part she's fucked herself over, in part her work is fucking her over but i'm kinda worried about her. i mean tuesday morning she was seriously shaking.

big plus for union hall last night. had table service but she didn't charge me tax. although i think she did charge nyuwriter girl, but she ordered food too.

look mr kinasecaster, i'm doing it again-the whole blog talking to blog thing

gothamist, seattlist etc (there are 15) are group blogs done as money making (LLC incorporated) news source for the pseudo-intellectual, on the the hipster continuum urban individual who wants to know what's going around town on a variety of intellectual and social and cultural cred levels. its an actually successful version of what asap is trying to do, except there is no original reporting, just commented aggregator.

ps next time you seattle boys are in new york i need to take you to sputyen duvil and the gate-you'll be impressed by the beer selection and the helpfulness in getting you food.

ymy new thing i admit right off the bat-i don't read the new yorker

i'm having a day where i have energy and would love to go for a drink right now. was at scratcher earlier and could actually clearly see the person i was with. i have never been there when there is so much light.

I have finally found activities that engage the kindergarteners and keep them from screaming all the time. Maybe they are learning something, maybe not. But they now know what a beaker and a pipette is so I guess that’s a start.
So apparently at the jewish day school I teach at it has never come up whether or not to play music during the omer. I asked my supervisor today if I could and she said she didn’t know, no one had ever asked. Then she asked me what I thought, I think there needs to be a schoolwide policy on that and that its not up to me to decide. In the end I’m not going to play music during afterschool or while the kids are working. But I can’t believe they never thought of it before.

Did I mention I went to visit my magnolia trees last week after work. I hope to go before work tomorrow since they should be in more bloom. I just love them so fucking much.

After aha’s wedding I am apparently going to dc to chaperone the 7th grade trip. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I’m a money whore and they will pay me. But that makes seattle for the wedding, dc for 7th grade and then basically straight to boston for the festival of hoya.

Reading kundera’s book on the art of the novel. So I need to read me some Balzac and Dostoevsky so far. i wonder if he's going to get into the post modern fiction that i used to love me so much of the first few years in new york. i I tried reading anna Karenina, but left it poolside at ‘club med’ in mexico a couple years ago. It was definitely the nicest place we stayed in mexico but was not what you think of when you think of club med. I would so love to go back to the beaches of tulum and need to hit coney island to check out the erosion.

i have a crazy early doctors appt tomorrow and was thinking about crashing at drdr's tonight so as not to have to commute and then just come back to brooklyn and go to sleep. i haven't slept in that apt in years, and when she moved in and silver moved out they thankfully got rid of the futon i used to crash on. i used to crash there all the time at at the point mr drdr was working nights, but i never got up the balls to ask if i could sleep in his bed. he usually left for work not so long before i went to bed and came back after i showered and i feel like that was a perfectly comfortable bed being wasted. mute point now. but maybe i'll see if i can crash at their new place on the uws this summer. keep mr drdr company while drdr is on call. and now have to get up at the crack of dawn to be at work.

absolved

so my roommates have absolved me of the need for potentially feeling like a shmeggy frat boy.

finished my conversation with kurt vonnegut, otherwise known as man without a country. remember when that buz lurman song came out and everyone thought it could have been/was written as a graduation speech by vonegut-get sunscreen or whatever. he's just a smart, spot on guy. it makes me want togo back and read some more of his books. i lew threw a bunch in high school but then got sick of his style, as i often do with writers-esp. when i read their books in quick succession.

serious anxiety and/or fucked up dreams of late.

oh and by the way i'm sure you knew this-but the talking heads are awesome. and the fact that he was so sad about gettng his bike stolen makes me irrationally loathe david byrne just a little less.

some words from kurt vonnegut

my roommate passed me man without a country last night. i've only read a little bit, but wanted to quote a line:
I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex. pg 17
and also
First rule: Do not use semicolons. they are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. pg23

I saw him speak in college and he was great but kept switching threads every-so often like he had a big binder with all of his speeches in them and instead of just turning teh page occasionally he would jump into the middle of the next speech. this book kinda reads like that.

sometimes i act like a 16 year old boy who thinks he's invinsible

but yo. i'm not. and my stupid decisions have consequences. and i'm can't make sure that everything will end up ok just 'cause i want it to.

hey-isreali, do you read this? was thinking of you a lot tonight if you do.

tragic

the brooklyn inn is closing. i have a lot of very distinct memories from that place most good, some involving times of sadness--giving mickey her dancing barbie, proclaiming i'd never have sex again, being obsessed with soul coughing's circles on the juxebox, such a pretty place to watch the rain, such a pretty place to watch the fresh snowfall getting used to dogs in bars, my first week in new york among others.

ended up having a good night last night. and surprisingly late. went to bam cafe after the bbq. i am pretty much a huge fan of bam cafe. great space, good atmosphere usually good music and if i don't like it its at least guaranteed to be interesting, but i was totally into the band last night although they only played one set. and no cover. then ended up at the cherry tree, one of the new 4th ave is a place bars. serious looking backyard with oversized chess set and hoola hoops and the same big old trees that mule has in its backyard. and my overly sweet whiskey sour was only $4

book club is in a good location tonight, but with the nor'easter its kinda far from the train and i wish it was closer to my house, but members live all over the place so manhattan kinda does make sense.

ok my new favorite band may be the killers. not that i've heard much of their stuff. but i was loving the song at the bar last night and in trying to find it on itunes i listened to a couple samples and bought the whole album. also purchased today was white rabbit by jefferson airplane. pervious purchase dancing in the light by entrain (there was a time when i could not stand this band or song at all, interesting how tastes change)

putting my phone call where my mouth is

so for the first time, in i'm not going to admit how long i finally called a couple of my elected officials about issues: demolitions at Atlantic Yards and an anti-human trafficking bill. And really its ridiculously easy to email people (i am so lame for not following through on more). and i just got a phone call, i left a voice mail on someone's machine, and he called me back telling me he sent it on to the more appropriate person.

um why wasn't last night's october road uploaded?

2 must see exhibitions-aka things i really want to see before they close.
clara driscoll and tiffany women at the new york historical society
subversive knitting and radical lace at museum of arts and design

i might have a date with a skalar, as in issac green and the...

but probably nothing will come of it since he is in the midwest for another couple months and these things have short attention spans. someone sent me his jdate profile and i checked it out and thought it was cool and he looked familiar so i wrote him. turns out he's the skalar i had a crush on. i met him post his skalars days, but i was so star struck that he was in a video that was on mtv-how young and naive i was. that and he had a studio in givens. apparently now he's a planner. cue the music.

had a really annoying mtg today where i kept being made to look bad b/c my superiors hadn't read the report i sent them last week that addressed a bunch of issues they were raising. i was pissed as it was a 5pm mtg. fine that they didn't read it last week like they should have, but that they didn't at least read it today. i was annoyed.

if i were a periodical i would be the brooklyn rail

realized that earlier today. it has the perfect percentage political coverage, social justicey grassroots news, random things happening in brooklyn, and arts criticism and interviews, and you can find it in places i like to go.
built an electric car of my own design today. it was fun. i was pumped.
my ebay purchase still hasn't arrived should i email the person?

my favorite conceptual artist died yesterday

sol lewitt. apparently he had cancer. i first came across his stuff (knowing that it was his, the wall drawings on the stairwell of the carnegie were his earlier but i never put it together even though i have probably spent a couple hours looking at and examining them) at a retrospective at the whitney my first year in new york. i have been hooked ever since. the obit in the times makes him sound like a pretty cool guy too.

so i'm a baby sea turtle now

or not. apparently the franz ferdinand song line is so im on bbc2 now-which makes much more sense given the following line.
boston has been good. ica had a cool exhibit but i wasnt loving the design of the building. it didn't give you enough choice in your route, and i felt a little trapped at one point. but the harbor (bay/river?) views were cool. i would have loved to see streb there (but i love to see streb anytime i can. lava is workshoping their new show at the flea in may and i am pumped!).
hit the museum of science today, which opens at 9 tomorrow and i have pipe dreams about going back to before i hit my flight. but they helped out in my conceptually thinking about the solar powered cars that i need my kids to build. so much work to do. went for very yummy kebab factory indian before playing categories this evening. it was good-guess im eating kitneiot this year.

did some hoya and springy wedding planning today. i need to draft up what i'm going to say as the officiant.

thanks so much to the levinermans for hosting me. ill be sad when you are back in st louis, and i'll really have to fly, rather than just contributing so much unneeded carbon just cause its a little faster.

still haven't found anyone to make out with.
but i got out of my coop shift early and i paid for my cd at housing works. and the job wasn't terribly horrible today. now only if i could find someone to make out with.

complaints

its cold.
i have a cold that won't go away.
i have to go to the job i like least today.
i have a lot of prep work to do.
i have a coop shift tonight and i just did a coop shift (yes i know that's my own fault but its still annoying)
did i mention its april and its snowing.
its totally out of my way to go to housing works and i pay for my thing.

sometimes i'm too fucking smart for my own good.

and sometimes i ignore it which lead to signs like the one posted on my fridge. and again the cycle fucking repeats itself. or rather not.
i'm a realist what can i say, or at least that's how i see myself.
maybe if i wasn't things would turn out different.
bleh


addendum to get out my bittnerness or contraryness as tilda would say
dating=sucking. how fucking hard is it too make out in this city.
sorry i'm just bittered by the looking for love at first sight people.
i refuse to let them make me feel bad about myself and the sarcastic
being i tend to be on first dates bc i'm protecting myself. but
still. ok bittnerness going away.

i accidentally shoplifted from housing works ubc today

major oops. i just realized it. i ended up there to waste some time this afternoon b/c it was near the train. so i browse the used cds, where in the past i have gotten a couple gems. i pick a a robbie fulks cd to purchase later and put it with my stuff-which they had made me take out of my bag, b/c i had to check my bag b/c it was too big. then i lost track of time and started to be running late so i just gathered up my papers, the cd had evidentially been buried in them, went got my bag and put everything in. guess i'll be making a trip back there tomorrow to pay for it. anyone need anything from there?

i'm going to be eating charoset until the cows come home

from the email i just sent to my seder guests from last night:

Dear All,

Thanks so much for coming to the seder last night, bring yourselves,
your voices and your wine.

I should have made my plug for donations to Task Force on Human
Trafficking earlier in the evening. http://www.tfht.org/
Unfortunately among the problems of civil society in Israel, Human
Trafficking is high on the list, mainly women from the FSU being
smuggled in through the Egyptian border and forced into sex work. The
task force is a project of several human rights organizations in
Israel including Atmuz. I encourage you to make a tax-deductible
on-line donation via Network for Good
http://www.tfht.org/index.php?id=74§ion=article (note you must put
Task Force on human Trafficking in the notes section)

Money is not the only way to help make a change. Locally, in 2006 a
weak anit-human trafficking bill was passed in the New York
Legislature. Is working on pushing for a stronger bill to be passed
this year. Information on a letter wiring campaign and a phone script
for NYS elected officials are available:
http://www.stophumantraffickingny.org/ and attached.

here's to today's spring showers, magnolias, baseball, buds on the
trees, ncaa championships and all other signs of spring.
Chag Semeach,
Brookburg

thoughts on my passover cleaning and seder prep

[later post on organizations doing anti-human trafficking work]

i've become the last minute home for the sederless and went form 10 to 16. i feel bad that i have to
say no to a couple people but really i can only 'comfortably' fit 12.

i took the subway back back the coop (long story) and some black hat
flatbush/midwood guy in his 40s was impressed with how much passover
stuff i had and wanted my number so he could come over and we could
potentially date. he was persistent about it. i passed.

and i can't find manishevitz for the life of me, ok the two liquor
stores i've gone to so far. you know gentrification has gone too far
when the corner liquor store right by the subway doesn't have
manishvitz and they keep offering me actually good kosher wine. but i
need it for the charoset, not for drinking.

MAZEL TOV !!! mickey and mr tear-down!

jimmy buffet is considered country? and nyc condoms are made in malaysia

so i totally impressed a date yesterday by knowing when the next grand theft auto is coming out and that its based in nyc. i refused to give away my secret of how i knew. but um, it was a story on a new feed i read everyday that is pretty mainstream for people like me-puseudointellectals who pretend to be itn about mainstream trendy stuff in nyc.

i have a lot of cleaning and boiling to do, and soon. and kinda feel like i'm fighting a cold. not staying hydrated enough. slipandslide buddy has reported seeing my dad in his prius. sweet.

went to a house party in sunnyside queens last night. serious dance party; country themed with serious party favors.

yesterday i missed the majority of the incident but apparently someone was passing out safe sex ziplocks (a female condom, several nyc condoms, a bunch of finger condoms, some lube and info on hep C) aimed towards youth. i guess she tried giving some to my kids who got in an uproar of laughing over it. my co-teacher took away the packet and shook his head at someone passing it out to kids their age. meanwhile i think some of these kids are having sex with each other, i'm all about them having condoms. i gave a random safe sex speech that said they were responsible for their actions and keeping themselves healthy and that if anyone if having sex condoms are the way to go to make sure that they get to stay kids for longer. i was tempted to do a proper use demonstration, but thought that would be inappropriate for my job description and didn't have a banana. i left the bag out in a place anyone could take it if they wanted. no one did. free condoms for me. not that i'll be using them anytime soon.