i am annoyed at all the men in my life

why can't it be simple with any of them, or just one of them.
am i asking too much?
are they asking too much?
the rabbi, he's not asking anything.  if anything he's the most straight forward and reliable (although his FB birthday request is weird and makes me think I wont wish him happy b;day). of course in his straight forwardness, i dont always know what the score is, but at least at the moment i can be the least detached.
Work friend is driving me up a wall. he likes me, wants to fuck me, does not want to feel like my boyfriend with out sex b/c that makes him a sucker, but is the one who gets in touch with me every day, and then somehow tells me we can just have casual sex and it wont be a big deal.
the baby. so much drama between last post and now, who knows. i just cant walk away even though i also cant get what i want.

got small but nasty brush burn from fucking up on trapeze today. it hurts.
no seals on the seal watching cruise. but awesome ice floes in the harbor, so cool to see and move through.
made dinner tonight in a way more actual way than i have in weeks.  maybe this winter blahs wont fully win this time around (impressive how long i've kept them at bay)