mazel tov

to hoya and springy. a proposal on the beach and a celebration indian meal. sounds good to me. i wonder what continent the wedding will be...

broke up with leopold

can you really break up with someone who isn't your boyfriend? i guess i sent silver a dear john letter once, but this was definitely more of a relationship that could be broken up than that. i cried, but more so b/c i'm stressed and do not want to go to this conference this weekend. i hate all the traveling involved since i'm also going to dc on sunday. but i more hate networking and meeting people and sounding like i know something and not doubting everything i know. i hate these things hate them, and i don't know anyone going and doubt since i would need to be on a bus in 7 hours to assure i got there for the 1st time attendees reception and i'm so not packed i doubt that will happen.

i really miss mickey. i was so fucking pissed at the stupid cell phone company that wasn't putting my call through as i walked fighting tears of overwhelmedness more than sadness, leopold wasn't for me, our relationship certainly wasn't for me, i just want to be with and love and feel loved by that person who is.

oh now the room is open in my apt for june 1st, and might have the other one open in august. so annoying and stressful, and i just want roots here and it really seems like having a partner in a relationship would be a good way to establish that.

tj's is weird

i just microwave samoasas from trader joe's in the box they came in which was specially lined. i don't get it and am not a fan. weird packaging, for processed food scares me more than the processed food.

mickey thinks steinhardt hottie and i should plan some exhibit or something, he actually forwarded me a pdf-from opinions in neurobiology (why the hell is he reading that) and suggested an exhibit he thought would be cool.

going to royale tonight, when i should be doing homework. oh well. hopefully the company will make up for the shitty bar choice. at least its in the hood.

met with the person i want to be my thesis advisor today, she bought me ice cream. she was helpful, but was basically like you have to chose a topic before we can talk, i was all, but i wanted you to give me a topic (and a job). oh well. eventually.

reading tuck everlasting. so far it seems sweet-this will be the month of children's lit as pre reading for my class in june.

shout outs of support to tilda, it works out in the end even if the process is painful...

are you fucking kidding me

one of my roommates is moving out july 1. so yet again there is an open room in brookburg's apt. anyone need a place starting in july. i am too old for this.

the trees in bloom at the botanic garden were awesome. even if the weather is shitty.

i guess humanistic anarchist has dropped off the face of the earth, or at least permanently retreated to mid-town. can't say that i'm surprised to be honest. oh well.

i have some shit that i keep putting off doing and i'm not totally sure why. it will definitely be better for the long run and in some ways better in the short run. this week hopefully.

steindhart hottie came for shabbes last night. i got drunk and think i was being too flirty. meh. i'm sure he'll come to dinner again sometime.

so annoyed, in part about this shit and in part about the apt, and will really need my vacation in july!

that's what i get for doing homework when i should be doing work!!

it disappears. i saved it i swear, i just can't find it. there goes that hour. so fucking annoying.

why does my hair always look most amazing before i get into the shower

its getting to be out of control long, and i'm not sure what to do with it. cut it, keep it, grow it. we'll see.

ushered/saw red light winter last night. steve martin snubbed me as i tried to ask if he needed help finding his seat. harvey keitel got walked straight past me. so now i have official celebrity sightings. the play was really good. the guy who plays matt is awesome. i guess part of the test of a good play is if you can id with one of the characters, and i guess there wasn't really any character that you were supposed to identify with, though we are definitely supposed to feel/feel sorry for the matt character-so does that make me feel better or worse that he's the one i identified with. maybe its that i totally have that i want to be a tortured artist thing going on.

why does wearing sandals make the bottoms of my feet gross?

late for the zoo and mad work to do before i go to boston next week.

so pleased i could help her out with a little bullet

hoya: Oh! I know! I can't believe I have gone 27 years without a vibrator! Fucking hell! It's like when I got my electric drill, and I was like, I can't believe I have been using a screwdriver all this time . . .

bumper cars!

first coney island trip of the season, but hopefully far from the last. short but sweet. nathan's lemonade, stare at the water, bumper cars, skee ball and air hockey, and in a skirt. seriously how could i not love?

in a very melancholy mood this morning, spotting often does that to me, and i had stuff i wanted to/needed to prep on the train but ran into someone i met at the paco's roof last weekend who also works at the museum and even though we had nothing to talk about had to chat the whole time. on the up side, i had one of those mornings where i looked in the mirror and thought i was pretty. i also have a huge black and blue mark on my thigh, but i have no idea from what.

ushering red light winter tonight. should be good if a long show.

make mine a cranberry juice, straight

i don't think the stuff i picked up is pure enough to do the trick in one dose, but hydration is always a good thing in general.

getting annoyed with my braziallian regrowth, and upkeep is seriously expensive, also unsure about the current state of the armpit. we'll see.

its time for me to start living my life outside, so nice, all i want to be is outside. shabbes dinner on my roof this week-assuming its not too windy. holla.

a friend got an uber high cell phone bill that she didn't expect. i suggested she charge her boyfriend for blow jobs. her reply: i cannot charge XX for the BJs because i looooove him.

i love the use of loooooove

i hate my body these days though. its my fault i've become a sloth, get no excersie and eat my daily or twice daily brownie, but i'm not into my love handles at all. and i want to wear a dress i already own to the wedding this summer and none currently fit. or if i go dress shopping i want it to be a happy experience.

oooh. i'm famous

http://heebnvegan.blogspot.com/

he could have at least edited the typos.

yep, biting me in the ass, but i'm doing some of that biting

got world spinning drunk last night. also got a nasty paper cut, from what i don't know but it hurts like hell. had a fun night til then. but did some drunk dialing and texting-never a good idea. i fucking love williamsburg and all i want to do is go from cafe, to bar to restaurant and sit outside and chill all summer, it may have gentrified and its full of all white people in their 20s on cheap bikes and all but i do like that aesthetic and the architecture, mixed use industrial and residential and lots of retail scattered in, and wider streets that have a run down, but not dirty feel to them are just really nicely lit up in the sun. i found a totally random museum/cbo focusing on brooklyites collections that i hope to start volunteering at soon-hell i became a member-http://cityreliquary.org/

the brooklynite and i have been supposed to go an adventure, but he keeps blowing me off, it would be an awesome day to go to a rubbing art project somewhere.

ummm hillo. there is a competitive skeeball league, why did i just hear about this now 5 weeks into the season!?! so want in!

a big thing that i've been working on in therapy is realizing that situations are not black and white, but grey and there there can be multiple feelings at the same time about the same thing, both for myself and others. i need to remember that.

$162 for I.O.M.

I have what feels like a great day planned, assuming I get out of the house, and except that I have to buy a new phone b/c the battery on mine won't recharge anymore-annoying, or maybe the display doesn't work, unclear, in any case its fucked.
but union square greenmarket, maybe i'll check to see if northern lights boy is back from alaska, coffee at 71 irving, ushering streb, and then barbq and drinking on the roof. how could i not love....ans best of all, i'll be in a skirt and flip flops 9even though springy hates flip flops i think that's just very english of him)

seeing the show last night made me want to do the mermaid parade again, even though i had kinda sworn it off. i mean i have the liquid latex and all now. and hoya wants in too. maybe i'll see what clinton hill boy's crew is doing this year.

amazing how easily i am pissed off and that wine and mermaids make it better

finally saw darwin today with springy and hoya. decent exhibit. such obvious questions he asked, but maybe only b'c he asked them do they seem obvious, cats have fucked up face skeletons

didn't do shabbes, instead went to boca chica and saw a mermaid parade/coney island performance art show that was pretty awesome at ps122 and springy didn't even hate it. will review more when sober. love holiday. hate their wine selection.

feel very alone. will be happy when the 12th st ladies return from ct.

i even annoy myself when i'm intentionally pouty

but i hate not getting my way, and there are certain situations where it makes me feel insecure. someone else's word not mine but i think its appropriate. and pouting my way into getting what i want doesn't really make me feel better either, well superficially it does, but it doesn't take away the insecurities. and part of it is that i have uber high expectations for people and want and expect a lot out of life.

the seder last night went very nicely, the final count was 16 which was able to fit fine. the food was ok, manishevitz pulled through again on the matzah balls, a different night is a good hagaddah, and i think my makeshift table looked good. people didn't drink enough as i have many bottles of wine, but they will be put to good use.

i slept a lot last night and well, but am really tired for some reason..

chag semeach

seder count 19. at least 4 of whom i've never met. but it's all good. the egg is boiled, the charoset is made, the beet is roasted...excited to go out to queens tonight, except that i'm no longer dressed for the weather b/c its colder than it was when i left my house and i was convinced to wear sandals, which take a while for my feet to break in and leave them succeptible to wind.

the museum is packed today, and there are all these isrealis running around here to visit fam for the holidays. you clearly know how i feel about that....

at mule yesterday i ran into this super hottie-mickey and nyuwritergirl back me up on this one-who is a couple years younger than me who i spent a decent part of the spitzer conference senior year drooling over. i wasn't sure that it was him, i was talking to him for a few minutes before i really knew who it was. but he emailed me to pass along some contact info he thought i might find helpful. he knows my last name? he is studying the current state of and trying to promote future good relations between jews and china. and not for school or for anyone, somehow he got the ear of a major maher (outisde of the guys foundation) and got cut a fatty check. and he's still hot. and still taken. but maybe he'll start coming to shabbes.

i didn't drink any beer last night, sad. but i had a super headache.

refuhah shelmah to sakd and mollierose on their outpatient surgeries. a speedy recovery to them both.

seder count: 18

be prepared to squeeze people

throw back to the 'sparky' days

[seder count: 16. seriously where are all these people going to go? i want to honor all dietary requirements, but if i'm cooking for that many people i'm not sure its possible]

this weekend was a throwback to my senior year of college and second year in new york in some of my antics and ways-hopefully they won;t end up shooting me in the ass. sleeping on the NJ turnpike this afternoon i think will help a bit. and i will be spending the 2nd night in a row with no sheets on my bed.

went to dc for a formerly close friend from college's bridal shower. we aren't so much in touch now, but it was nice that i went down, and to see her and her family. the groom looks like he grew taller since college, not that he's tall yet. of course even though i got up at 6 after going to sleep at 4 and made it to dc by 11 i had to play multiple shower games. the shower was nice, it just highlighted so much consumption and waste-even just in the packaging and disposable silverware. i not surprisingly had issues, esp when you make me play games hoping to get scented soaps in heart shapes as prizes. gag me. the theme was shower. so all the presents were put in a opened, upside down gold umbrella and the party gifts were mini tote umbrellas, which hey i always can go for an umbrella. and i even did a smigin of work, til my has no life battery died on the ride down. i totally crashed on the ride back-i don't do well on 2 hours of sleep.

hope and anchor was cool last night. i put on a poor bizarre love triangle performance, i could hear how off key i was. i think this was the first non-dive that i've done/seen kareoke in, or at least first more nice, not just neighborhood joint or dive bar. sicky sang sean paul-you know i was loving it

took my last teacher cerification test today

and muttered through the whole thing how stupidly and ridiculously easy it was. seriously. if you cannot pass that test you should not be a teacher, but it also wasn't at all about content, if you are a literate thinking person the answers were so fucking obvious and how do you test pedagogy of teaching in a multiple choice format. i wrote a shitty essay, but it was a shitty question and i'm so not worried about passing. i walked in after the test had started and was the 1st person from my floor to leave, the 3rd overall.

i am writing a personal reference for a friend of mine to be admitted to the bar. how adult and upper-class of me. to be admitted to the bar a laywer who you haven't worked for has to write a reference-how fucking classist is that!

15 people will be at my seder, where are 15 people going to sit? i need to borrow some chairs from the 12st ladies and the bearded-hippie. and i hate and love that people will have to share hagaddahs, i need to work on my reading list as well.

happy b'day to milo's mom. off to enchiladas and karaoke for her.

results from a question-reprinted without permission

trying to be betty dodson- what does orgasm mean to you?

i believe that your birth canal (what is this otherwise
called?) muscles also expand and contract really rapidly for the
duration of the orgasm, like 20 seconds to 50 seconds. maybe longer if
you're lucky.

a very timely question... b/c last week i orgasmed like i have never ever orgasmed before. i don't know that i can describe it... i mean, there's definitely vaginal muscles contracting (every time, not just the one last week). but i wonder sometimes whether i cut things short. like i think i'm done, but maybe i'm not... and maybe that was part of the difference last time. sometimes it seems like it could just go on for a while. i tend to stop things instead of riding it out. i'm thinking i'm probably missing out on the multiple orgasm. but maybe i'm actually missing out on the whole thing altogether...?

intervening conversation on conflict diamonds...

are the little kids in africa having orgasms? that's what i want to know.

ok to me it was hilarious. but seriously other people men, women, trannies, two-spirits what does orgasm mean to you? i'll add to the post if i get more responses.

in other news, i should be a squad leader at the coop, if i was ever on time and didn't miss so many shifts, i just understand how things are supposed to work and see solutions to simple problems and can work under that kind of pressure. sometimes i can be a damn good and efficient leader (sometimes i'm a shitty one, like in conflict situations) and when those times are around/going on and the person 'in charge' is doing a worse job than i would do i seriously have no patience. but if they are doing as good a job as i would do i want nothing to do with the leadership role. seriously the new squad leader has no idea what's going on.
and martin my ID (pratt prof not evangelical wacko) hasn't come in during my past two shifts. how can i continue my crush on him if he doesn't come in. i might just have to go stalk some magnolia trees on pratt's campus.

an addendum to the last post. around a year ago is also when the paco ladies and i discovered the wonders of text messaging. the first text? slut!!! just b/c your making out with a stranger while leaning up against the guy's car. sheesh.
oy zoo tomorrow and stupid teacher test on sat-at least its in the afternoon.

tagged i'm it

from hoya:
where were you a year ago
getting ready for CNS and fretting muchly over my poster and presentation. back from londonjen's 29th b'day weekend 'in' ocean city, and just past mickey's 27th b'day. first date with clinton hill boy, he was reading murakami at the time.
where were you five years ago
living in the avodah house. this may be around the time that i had the fling with the guy from the train at 4am (mickey when did sparky's nicknamer come to town), or i may have been obsessing about mr Cambridge senator wannabe. probably getting ready for passover, and about to chop off all my hair, yeah i really feel that was april 6th, to try and get over silver and make myself look older.
where were you 10 years ago
senior in high school. dunno about april, dreading going to college, refusing to make a choice til i got rejected from cornell, being sat down and told why it was important for me to go to college and only half of what i would learn would come from books. trying to convince slipandslide buddy to cut first period and us go out to breakfast i'm sure. and probably head over heels crushing over dan russel.

tagging: no one. no one besides hoya who admits to reading this has a public blog, except mickey but she so rarely updates it.

click on the new tag line for the blog

too out of it to write a properly impassioned post. make the words 'never again' mean something.

human interaction

[my grandmother, mom's mom who already has a fairly shitty standard of living, is in the hospital having trouble swallowing, wish her a refuah schlema]

i just got to meet/hold my friend's 7 week old daughter, and i just ran into him on the street in park slope. it was awesome, i even got to see him change her diaper, much to the dismay of his other friend who's table it was taking place on.

the jews were out and about in brooklyn today, the magnolias are about to hit peak next week, i love them, went to BBG but the person i was with was much more interested in speed walking through than stopping to smell the magnolias, so i will just have to go back!

i'm not into the nytimes.com redesign, but of course i hate change all around.

also i don't think trader joe's is worth is. very little is organic and i have this weird relationship with prepared food, even if it is cheap bobo food.

happy b'day mickey!!!