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i feel like i am in a specific 90210 episode

doctor felt something during the exam yesterday. getting an ultrasound on tuesday. didn't want to tell my parents, but i asked too many questions about my grandmothers breast cancer and my mother figured something was up. they just offered to come up on tues. this seems unnecessary esp as i am running between school and doc appts. i feel like we live in this place where we screen and find all these things that wouldn't be a problem and then these invasive things for them. of course there is a difference between me at 34 and someone at 74 or 94. now i feel bad for telling my parents not to come since they likely feel anxious. but nothing will be found out on tuesday. and their visit will make me more anxious. the thing that at the moment i'm most annoyed about is all the money for this aggravation. also turns out for a month or two who knows what medicine i was taking. since apparently what i am on doesnt come in the tablet form. hope that didn[t fuck me up. found out that a friend had a miscarrage. this is super sad. and sadly makes the process even more expensive since the donor doesn't live in the same city. wish i could give her a hug. i get the idea that misscarriages happen all the time, obviously not all, but more often than you think..and i know several people with healthy kids after misscariages. missed what seems like a good class at the gym today oh well. did a half ass job on the elliptical instead.

belted kingfisher

that was my bird of the day. thinking a plastic bag was a gull even after looking through binoculars, not as awesome. parent teacher conferences were fine. annoyed at the coop board approval process. napping when i should be getting things done, but at least went outside today. working tomorrow am, should be cute, is certainly money. sunday playspace for little kids. making paper towel turkeys. don't feel awesome about that, but as a wise friend said, it's not doing any evil just no greater good. compost not dropped off, laundry not dropped off, card not made for mom. maybe apt will get a little cleaner...

productive weekend

yesterday: pilates, bird watching, greenmarket, 3 hours on couch, bam performance, bad dinner out of house, asleep on couch by 11 today: read some of my book, walk in park and birdwatching, brooklyn museum, tennis lesson, home and hope to continue to be productive--have to write a letter of introduction to the board for the coop. the coop application process is ridic, and mainly it's ridic b/c it is so 1-sided. they get me to bare my soul and they reveal nothing. oh well.

today's flying things

took mr civic to the feeder in the park. saw some more finches and goldfinches and nuthatches, and a beautiful female cardinal. was given a tip about some bats and went off to find them. almost didn't but then we did and they were so super cute upside down and asleep. heard and saw a woodpecker as well, a downy i believe. look at me learning birdy things!

yesterday's birds

chicakdees nuthatches purple finches mourning doves an impossible to see hawk ruby crowned kinglets pine s? northern shoveler yellow bellied sap sucker cardinals too much activity at the feeders. cool, but overwhelming

some things that annoy me

at the moment i can't remember all i was going to write. but i hate the wnyc new 8pm schedule, news program please. not a repeat of weekend shows. i need the news and i listen to your ad campaign and never turn it off, so i don't need to hear these shows twice.\

oof

dropped the ball on something...annoying my fault, will take care of it. buy makes my heart sink with annoyingness. oof. and frustration and feeling bad for dropping the ball not going to lie when this happens makes me feel like i am barely keeping head above water again...and there is other stuff i want to start on, but can barely do what need to.

made it through unscathed...

not true for many people. have made several monetary donations, but that's about it. did no cleaning during the days off, nor any lesson prep, no doing abs in the living room so little gym in such a long time... so chilly out to bike ride...sad faces also will get dark so early now. yikes. but will be able to wake up for a couple days with sun light again.... want to make some travel plans. back to not having any cash though...