it is one of my favorites, esp ciao bella

You Are Pistachio Ice Cream

Funky. Surprising. Wild.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

on a different note

i learned/did some very good movement theater games that had some interesting power dynamics in them tonight at the theater of the oppressed workshop. columbian hypnosis was my favorite, definite power play involved, but also just a cool exercise to try. all the rest i'd seen before.

i lost my voice, which in the past has been a sign of me getting better.

someone at the zoo does not want me to go to costa rica

why? b/c they refuse to send me a w2 that is mine. and if i don't get the w2 on time, i can't file my taxes on time and if i don't file my taxes on time i can't file my fafsa on time, and if i don't file my fafsa on time i might not get all the aid i'm eligible for, and if i don't get the loans i can't afford to go to costa rica. i promise i'll wear bug spray with deet and not roll around in random sand! so it must not be for my own good.
i was never sent a w2. they said i was. i went and filled out a form. today a w2 arrived, a reissued w2, but not for me although it is for someone who lives in brooklyn, who's last name is velez. for those of you who don't know me, my last name is nothing like VELEZ! i think its illegal for me to have this. i wonder if she got mine, and how did i get it since her address clearly stuck out of the window? they covered it up with a stick on label with my name and address. seriously people.
i'm sure i'm going to have to fill out another form. problem-i won't be back at the zoo until april 7th. double arg.

apparently my insurance isn't that crap

as i didn't have to pay $75 for a strep test. that nicely turned out negative. probably a virus, and will go away at some point. my throat kills though. and i was refused a prescription for Plan B, which pissed the fuck out of me. As it turns out some of the doctors at the fancy upper east side practice take my pathetic insurance and i will be heading up there if this sickness merits another doctor's visit. no more of the clinic for me. i wonder if i had gone to a DOE clinic if I would have been refused the prescription, but then instead of 80 minutes for a drop in appointment it would have been all day...

the virgin mary, jade's breasts and laura bush's sphinctor

certainly all helped to make one of the more intense games of celebrity i've ever played. i'm pretty sure that celebrity is my favorite game hands down, i can pretty much play it any time and usually multiple rounds in a row. chichi made an amazing mexican feast, complete with a special serving of vegetarian mole just for me. it was awesome, as were the pomegranate margaritas. the refried beans at brunch at lobo did not compare in the slightest.

i need to curb my love for and buying of nice cheap jewelry or bling. i am obsessed with the bracelets i bought for purim, mainly b/c of how fun they are to take off and how many beads they have. today i was impressed i was able to limit myself to only one of the sterling silver rings i was looking at. sometimes i just have to buy buy buy. but i think the jewelry at least is always nice stuff, and in that regards i rarely regret a purchase. i love that the place so blatantly doesn''t report its real income as they charge tax on credit card purchases, but not cash purchases. motivated both mickey and i to pay in cash.

i just made londonjen's spanokapita and even though it cooked forever its totally not firm. i've gotten too lazy to bother with mixing the egg in it, it doesn't change the taste, but i wonder if it would stay together better with the egg. i guess there are recipes for a reason.

oh the last two days i've been wearing my hair in pigtails. it may turn into my new look, even if it does make me look even younger. the ridiculous sidwell friends 10 year olds last week told me they thought i was 38, so that's ok (that's of course after they asked me my sat and gre scores-refused to answer and told them it wasn't appropriate for them to ask)

mickey's gone, which is sad. it was a nice weekend (minus my sickness, if i wake up this way i'm dragging my uninsured ass to the clinic to beg for free antibiotics) and felt just like she lived her. sad that it wasn't longer or we didn't spend more time together, but i know that she and i will hang out again and will remain friends so i'm not too worried. but i do think she and the architect should move back east-or at least to pgh and in with his parents.

i'm sick

and i know who got me sick. and i cannot demand retribution of coming over to make me tea and bring me romantic comedies to watch of this person because z is on a friggin different continent!!! i hate feeling all crazyheaded, esp when there is a chi chi food and marg fest this evening. damn defenses being down due to lack of sleep!

everyone's your friend in nyc

couple thoughts on nyc and art.
dumbo is so over. i mean i'll still go and all b/c of st ann's warehouse, smack mellon and the waterfront, but the character of the neighborhood has totally changed, and i think significantly for the worse-there are sheeshee nail places down there now. totally jumped the shark.

the whitney biennial. first time i went, took down a bunch of notes. more than anything its a thing to say you've done rather than worth going to see anything.

late for the zoo.

definition: mediocre

Moderate to inferior in quality; ordinary. See Synonyms at average.

so its not good but its not horrible. wonder if it implicitly implies a bell curve? and how many standard deviations it includes? and what if average isn't bad?

another questioning the point of this blog. i don't keep a journal, and a lot of times i have used this tool as a journal. i have had a lot of thoughts going through my head in recent weeks that i think would be helpful to put down to paper to give some concreteness and a physical manifestation to-if only in digital form. but as over-open as i often am with my feelings, opinions and judgments, a lot of these thoughts have been prompted by different interactions with multiple people in my life (so you people who read into these things, stop) but would result in writing things that would not be appropriate form for certain people to read. but this actually feels much safer and in some ways more authentic than picking up a pen and putting it to paper. life and relationships, they are a complex.

i think the real question is how to be appropriately critical. i have high standards, and i think that's good. but i often fail to meet up to them myself, and wonder when i am taking them too far.

a while ago now, londonjen commented how much more me i seem now than when we met (and did not get along), and its true i have become much more comfortable in my skin and figuring out how to more align this idea of a public image i want to present and in some ways be and who i am, or think i am, or want to be on the inside. i think part of it is that i'm not as afraid to be me, or as worried about being judged or taking risks. don't get me wrong, risks are still fucking scary. but i'm carrying on much more open negotiations. i still crave crashing topless in warm waves on a deserted beach singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around in warm later afternoon sun regularly and think that is just as much a part of me as the needing to host large meals and check out random and not so random art shows. and i still crave a life partner and cuddle buddy to grow with and push forward against. don't get me wrong i'm grateful for the friends, opportunities and privilege i have, its just that i want to live a life that lets me feel engulfed by czicksentmhy's learning principle of flow. i do get those flow moments and i treasure everyone of them.

ok i am late as usual which today is not meaning that i am making a bad impression with my future references, but that i am losing precious time with mickey. billyburg here i come

i broke my computer

this makes me very sad, esp b'c i was an idiot and dropped it. shhhh don't tell the genius bar people. so sad, poor ibook. its working, but doesn't want to close and won't stay asleep and the esc button is permanently down.

eaten by my room.

leopold's watch.
my nalgene.
my blue hoodie.
my sarong.
my keys.
i just don;'t get where they went and want them back. esp the hoodie, i don't think i've ever gone this long without wearing it.

mickey comes in on wed! holla!!! let the pbr/bud light fest begin!!!!!! if only GYC were open it would be so fucking awesome. but still it will be great.

i think my car service driver was blind today

he certainly had no idea where he was going, it was fucked up. and a little scary and beyond annoying-i have no patience for that. i should not be so judgmental, my mom would yell at me. whatever.

saw The Emperor Jones tonight, the Wooster group version. Kate Valk is fucking an amazing actress. I wish that I had read the program notes before I saw the show-but tough to do when you are ushering and the house manager doesn't really know what's going on. not sure how i feel about the play, but the WG puts on a well done show, and as i said kate valk is amazing. its interesting their use of live video that could totally be pre done but is made fresh every night in real time but then they freeze frame or mix it in with pre shot/mixed video. otherwise it wasn't a very tech heavy show, i liked the bare stage effect but not some of the outside stuff they had used. i wonder if the show was at all based on reality. i don't think so. but i know nothing about eugene oneil.

i made a card today. i don't know if it will be appreciated but it felt good to do a little creative collage again.

if only hot chocolate made the world go round

a woman fell collapsed straight onto her back next to me (may have even hit herself on my bag on the way down, i hope it wasn't a cause) at the finial celebration today. and i immediately felt like i had no agency in the situation. several people called 911, which was impressive given the katie effect. i just felt young and not sure what to do and moved away.

need to learn not to give out my number when i am not in the slightest attracted to the guy who asked for it. but even though in the end it seems like the polite thing to do should be honest and say no, that is not how our society works. whateve. of course i was sad when the guy who was giving me a back rub at the bar up and left last night. no matter how stoned he was and how nothing would ever come of it, its always nice to get a back rub/i'm into physical attention.

when voting with your money breaks down

sales at brooklyn industries. and clothing in general. american apparel is great, but does not fit all my cute clothing needs. organic cotton is pretty much impossible to find, and expensive as hell and clothing at all levels is made in sweatshops. i'm torn on the BI thing as none of their stuff is even made in the states, and suerte claims that they ripped off his art collective's logo-but i think hes just jealous (and not I haven't talked to him in a year, er i ran into him on halloween so i guess thats less than a year) but some of it is just so damn cute. i love my new teal dress.

sign of a good shabbat meal? falling asleep in the bed of a 12th st lady, even if guate girl kicked me out and made me go sleep in mollierose's bed which is also super comfy. however the two year old who was adorable at dinner (i wish i could get away with wearing my hair in a fro like hers) was not so adorable screaming at 7:30 in the morning.

went to a traditional grocery store yesterday and it totally disturbed me. its only plus was its awesome beer selection. but it was so expensive, no bulk, so many over packaged products, not as good produce, did i mention expensive and so much gm things and all this fake food stuff. not like fake meat (which though i eat i hate) but little mini premade frozen pancakes that come with small plastic containers of totally fake syrup to dunk in. this disturbed me to no end. guate pointed out that how is syrup in glass bottles any more authentic or teaching kids where syrup comes from, and i agree, but it is less processed and one less setp father away from tapping the tree (which by the way the time to do is just about now)

thinking about reliving a bit of my end of college history tonight, when i was so broke that i would sneak my own store bought for cheaper beers into the bar.

match day

as far as i know the bee was the only person i am semi-close to up for matching, and she is staying in NYC, yep you heard it here, last years neighborhoodie of the year, thanks to the lying and cheating ways of her brother, will be staying on in the UES. but good luck and congrats to all who did.

pacifico with the 666 ladies this evening. yummy and of course makes me long for summer. one sign of summer the shake shake with ted drewes wanna be frozen custard opens in a week. summer please come now.

random fact i learned today, the pyramids around cairo are set up in the arrangement of orion and the nile is the milky way.

i just straight up lied to my advisor

i ditched class today, b/c for various reasons i was going to be an hour late, so i just said fuck it. i just got an email asking to explain my absence. the real reason is neither appropriate nor her business so i faked a doctor's appointment. if she prods to ask what doctor i'll tell her i had to get my nose checked out. esp as it still hurts.

nosebleed at a burlesque show-now that's sexy

an over excited leopold didn't realize his personal space boundaries and hit me hard in the nose, it still hurts. but i'll live. the show was ok, i felt like i could have been some of the performers up there if my chest was a little bit bigger. i signed up for a series of theater of the oppressed workshops today, but somehow i think it'll be different type of performance. i wonder though about the pasties twirling in opposite directions, is it skill? or just gravity? i need to get a pair and check it out, but as noted above i think my chest needs to be bigger for gravity to help out there. i'm sure i'll waste some in front the mirror trying at some point.

went to a megillah reading in a bar, it was actually much better than i thought it would be and less bar like, just a neutral space. the place was packed, but lucking the santo brother and the 40 year old let me share space on their couch.
i got my two favorite practical drinks at the show last night-tom collins and whiskey sour, thank you PF for getting me hooked on those, and i sweet talked the bar tender to go heavy on the maraschino cherries so my mouth was mad red when i brushed my teeth last night. waiting for the show i was one of few people dressed up, i only did it as a favor to someone else. had we been waiting in a bar i wouldn't have thought anything about it, but in the bar of a trendy resturant when in the minority it more felt pointless.

many other thoughts swirling around in my head, and those of you i'm in regular communication with, or at least try to be will definitely be hearing them....if i can get them under control to figure out what it is that i think exactly. i'm in an off mood, and i feel like in part i'm being pouty and forcing myself into that mood. i should really be doing work since i ditched class. seriously i wish it were summer and i was barbqing on a roof or at GYC, i literally drool over the thoughts of cheap beer and sitting outside and not giving a fuck.

here's what i want to do this summer

8:30 am arise
10-1 work. preferably in some non-formal ed location
2-5 lay out on coney island
6-8:30 chill and drink at gawanus yacht club
9-10 chill on a roof
11pm sleep
repeat
i would like this job to subsidize my life and increased drink, but gyc is cheap so might not need to. occasionally the beach can be substituted with a park or if i had car access regularly substituted with the jamaica bay wildlife refuge. damn i would love to work there.
oy must apply to a job tomorrow.
and write paper and lots of other things.

am on the edge that i really don't want to go over into crisis and melt down mode, would really like to handle this is a healthy manner-so of course tomorrow night i will get ridiculously drunk and very little sleep. bravo brookburg, bravo!

hey kids in NYC come to the Eldridge Street finial raising party cause you love me...

trip the light fantastic

that's such an awesome phrase.

and now many hours have passed and i just realize that its my brother's yartzhiet. he's now been dead for 14 years, more time than i 'knew' him for as i was 13 when he died. i also just realized that the secular anniversary is the anniversary of the invasion of iraq march 18th. maybe when i'm procrastinating later i will look for something appropriate to post. for some reason the raven by poe is coming to my mind. (along with a picture of homer being haunted by the raven when the simpsons' did it as their halloween episode).

i'm also freaking and and feeling like i'm starting to slip under all the shit i have to do, and food rotting in the fridge that needs to be cooked...

drinking on the job

so i work at two institutions where beer is available for public consuption (ie in the cafes for them to buy) and it always seems a little weird to me. it would be awesome if it were for sale at staff prices, but no such luck, and so far i have refrained from inbibing.

monday night story., nyuwritergirl, and jorrav came over for a little don delillo reading. we only got through the first act as its basically a roundtable diuscussion on euthanasia and i was the only one who was reading-making it hard for them to follow characters. but kinda cool to read a play, and too also be the only one reading it. i also like reading to people. we should start up a reading salon, just of our favorite stuff.

i am kind of drowing in the amount of stuff i have to do, esp for AMNH, and how messy my room is. I suspect i'll be home early from dinner at Jojo tonight (hence my too fancy for work clothes and dress that keeps popping open to reveal my bra, not that any of you have seen me today) and maybe i'll get some cleaning done. i also am teaching a teacher workshop on the seasons. guess i better learn something about them. good experience though.

started the slippery slope of ditching the coop last night, but a migrane was coming on and family law girl was so sick she couldn't go the pharmacy to get her meds herself so i went to pick them up for her. which made me a very nice friend. i love my hood, i was close enough to get her meds, i ran into mollierose on a first date when i went to pick up some dinner and then could go over to chill with guate girl and look up the guy on jdate. and all within 5 blocks of my apt. its great. and bar toto is really pleasant and yummy.

what's new?

late for work. tired as hell. room is a mess. kale and mushrooms to make. way too much to do.
as we all know the world is a small as hell place and friendster just makes it smaller, just figured out that i sort of work with this woman who i have been hearing about for a while as she is this other woman that i have a bunch of flimsy connections to's girlfriend.
my parents are coming in this weekend. sat night they are going to dinner with friends of theirs who will also by in nyc from LA, and the husband of that couple's elementary school girlfriend. who he has not spoken to in 40 years (probably more like 50) and lives in philadeliphia but who he invited up to nyc to hang out. in the smallness also of this world she signed the levinerman's ketubah and sat with my parents at their wedding.
eire here i come, june 30th-july 10th (never mind that's a monday and will fuck up job prospects), holla
i gotta bust out of here.

why we are friends..

an email from mickey:

one question:

do you think it is a good idea we are such close friends, considering
we are both insane when it comes to relationships and communicating
within them?

just wondering

down with oscar

went to a lame but ok oscar party last night. what could have been a good crowd but were just a bunch of people who hadn't seen most of the movies sitting around. it fizzled out at the end. i should of suggested that we all go dancing at Hank's around the corner as CHB's brother was playing. he now plays upright bass, a totally sexy instrument.

my old boss from met council called today and i picked up the phone. he is such a good guy and it was nice to talk to him. i'd really like to have a meal with him. if i wouldn't be marooned in monsey i'd love to have a shabbes meal with him. the relationship with him was definately the best part of my job at met council. he had a heart procedure, i'm sure he hasn't slowed down but maybe he has started eating something besides leftover cheese danishes. he's also up to 24 grandkids, 4 years ago i'm pretty sure he was at 13. hadar brooklyn is donating funds raised at the megillah reading to met council. not sure if i support that-the organization has its issues, but i guess does well.

must get more sleep. had a decent late night convo, which was so far past my betime it helped me to sleep through the night which was pretty exciting. but woke up uber thirsty from the dryness in my room. and while my dream was weird it wasn't wacked in an uncomfortable way, so that's good.

have been im'ing with londonjen which is really nice to talk to her, but takes up so much time.

mazel tov to AR on the new job, she will totally do an awesome job.

i just walked into the two stall bathroom at work and i walked in on someone having a moment. unclear if she was mastorbating or crying though. i quickly walked out. still need to pee though.

fresh air fund for dogs

went into the hudson valley for a winter walk with the 12th street ladies. simple walk, but quite nice to get out and it was still snow covered. i think we practically killed the chichuaa/jack russel mutt they are fostering who had clearly never walked that far in its life. we carried her the whole way back, and around tarrytown where we went for hot chocolate afterwards. driving back-parking in this city sucks!

leopold's militant/ocd veganism and eating habits might make me shoot him. he's a fairly formal kid in general, and maybe i'm not being accommodating and this is how other people feel about kashrut issues. but seriously i give up.

watched an episode of oz for the first time today, was fairly intrigued and engaged, but the violence is very intense in a much more real way than in over the topic graphic movies, i had to avert my eyes a couple times. but that's almost what made it more compelling, or at least more real. were i to watch it again, i'd still need someone to explain what's going on to me, but it may be too disturbing for me.

i'm trying to be all go with the flow, and not follow any stupid 'rules' but communication is a fucking two way street people! right so maybe i should be listening to myself there. but it sucks to think about putting yourself out there and getting nothing in response. almost called the ex for some directions today but figured it out myself.

there is apparently a party at my house tonight. i need to do homework and wake up early tomorrow, but i guess i'll mingle and meet some youngins.

does appalachia still exist?

b/c i love old time! ran into clinton hill boy at freddy's last night. i think that this us being friends could actually work out. THH and i met up up at freddy's for a drink/one on one/business talk which i think i got defensive and maybe a little aggressive at the end of. oops. but then she had to go and it was the first thursday of the month old time jam so i stayed to catch up with chb and listen to some pretty cool music. the super hot guitar player that was there last time and mollierose has seen play a bunch was there. nice eye candy.

and i finally learned what a mandolin is. and also a fiddle-just a violin, just a different style of playing.

the wacked out waitress/bartender/barback who was taking away glasses well before they were empty was trying to tell us not to drink brooklyn products b/c they are in cahoots with ratner-developed of the atlantic yards to but up ugly gerhy buildings and a basketball arena. freddy's is in the demolition path and the owner is extremely anti-ratner and active about it. chb and i seriously doubted that he would serve beer from anyone in cahoots with ratner. and brooklyn brewery actually has a very strong pro-community ethic. we decided she's full of it and will continue to order our brooklyn products with pride and satisfaction

being a woman.

i feel just fine, and usually pretty good about being a woman in both the sex and gender senses of it. i even like in theory and somewhat in practice getting my period. it makes me feel feminine, and somewhat in touch with my body. and usually the worst of my pms is insatiable craving for chocolate-is that so bad? once it comes on its not so bad, and i'm fairly regular without being on the pill (which i think would screw me up, no pill for me, but think its awesome for those who want it, although maybe it would help clear up my face) but if i were on the pill, and uber good about taking it at the exact same time, i would know exactly when it was coming. not knowing that has the effect of it starting occasionally at some rather inconvenient and inopportune times. annoying.

if hoya and brandavnue are still reading i really want to do an art exhibit that explores the idea of steelers nation and the place space identity issues involved in it. i'm not sure what form it would take. things to explore-working class sensibilities that pervade the economic classes, ubiquitous non use of the verb to be. how the terrible towel and the green weeine (the pirates pickle thing) were the first of their kind and how you see them all around and the physical act involved of showing your pride-b'c we stuck with the steelers even before cower was giving us any hope. pgh now is a hotbed of green construction-but who knows that? and are we surprised to hear that the city is bankrupt. continual out migrations of people. but then how places like squirrel hill and shayside and north oakland exsist. seriously lets talk this over mice from burdicts and beers at the people's republic, or alternatively at the cage (but i'd rather go to boston, err cambridge).

pointlessly opened a bottle of red and then didn't drink any last night and can't get the cork back in. slipandslide buddy would be so dissapointed.