who's afraid of virgia woolf?

not i. but that's not to say that i totally understood it either. or that i should have seen it with my parents as it involves talking about the death of a son (who may or may not exist-if you've seen the play what do you think. i'm smart and i was following along, but i was a little lost all through the 3rd act) kathleen turner was ok. bill irwin was pretty good and the guy who played nick looked so familiar. the set was also earily familair not of my academic parent's house but of others that i know. but now i can bring up george and martha in casual conversaion and be all intelligensia itn

things i love seeing in new york
tall building shrouded in fog, espcially in dusk/twilight. its the only upside to this oprresive weather
the mobile kosher food truck
something that i saw this morning, or maybe last night but can;t remember at all

interest free loan

so i can a $2000 loan from my sorority just for paying alumni dues which probably run about $50 (or 2.5% of my loan) but its interest free. can you say will be taking this instead of the unsubsidized loan? well it won't cover it all, but i can!

but what i really wanted to post about was media literacy. lets not forget that even documentaries are out to tell a story and prove a point, they want to make you think but there is something that they want you to think. just saw RIZE at bam, in my least favorite theater there-4-, even though it is the coolest architecturally, you are on the same level or above the screen, its a weird angle, theater 3 is my fav, but i digress. see the movie, its great. two criticisms, one of the movie it self. it tries to link the dancing in central la by black people to random images from who knows what of african tribal movements and dancing. that made me uncomfortable. guate girl agreed. the other is that the stills for the posters totally come out of a series of scenes/day of shooting that was totally contrived and done for the purpose of being shot and put in this film. it was awesome visually and did give a message but not one that jibes with the rest of the film. the ending scenes (OR at least the last ones shot) was basically a reunion of all the people that had been profiled in some way in the film. many movies especially documentaries do it, and while the dancing seemed much more organic, i think its important to remember that the event was not. not saying its a bad thing, just something to take into consideration. and the scenes of the greased up people were totally visually stunning-no doubt about it.
but the bodies on some of these people damn. one of the greased up guys had the most amazing arms ever. seriously boy was cut and i was drops away from drooling.
also am i glad i didn't grow up having to deal with gangbangers. hell fuck yeah.

good previews: the penguin movie, i want to know how the hell they filmed in the artic when it was 80 degrees below? the whole thing only takes 20 days but seriously. i have missed out on microcosmos and winged migration, i'm not missing this shit. also happy endings. might wait til video, but a definite must see.

?s

why can't i manage to keep myself hydrated?
will i get to actually spend any time with debby at the wedding this weekend?
why am i so annoyed that my date for tonight got rescheduled?
why is renquist living so much longer with anapalastic thyriod cancer than chad's father did?
why have i never read any tenessee williams before (currently reading cat on a hot tin roof and loving it)?
why does everything leak in my new bag making it almost more stained in 3 weeks than my old bag was in a year and a half?
why didn't i write a blog post about the book of jim shepard short stories i read and loved and made me think i know what the term 'raw' means when describing writing?
why do i still feel so sad about this date thing?
why haven't i re-written my assignment that i saved over yesterday so i could just be done with this class?
maybe a hot chocolate will make me feel better (either that or it will make my stomach feel horrible, fyi i have basically given up on trying to fit into this dress for the weekend. i will or i won't)

update

the dress crisis is temporarily taken care of. i found a loaner that is easy to back and possible to dress up.
i left the house. my room is a bit cooler. i am going to pound out one of these essays. and hit the sack to camp out at cafe regular tomorrow.

manhattan bridge is nicer

i am hot, and sweaty, and hungry, and dehydrated and have a ton of work to do for my class and worked all day so didn't get to hit renegade, or the pride parade or the day of learning on darfur-put i don't want this to be a bitchy post (although I am now also freaking out about my housing situation. as my roommate now really seems to be leaving but is up in the air, and of course time and all i have to do)
but this weekend was an excellent mermaid parade. the first time is always remembered as the best. but it was awesome, good temp, good sound system and good costume-my best yet i think and it can be recycled for yet another year. and a nice barbq afterwards, such a great temp to be outside at night. loved it. want to be outside on nights like that forever.

walked over the brooklyn bridge today was great and i found a believer also great. not great the frappachinco that hurt my stomach and made me stop walking.

must work and ignore the $52 in my bank account and not much time. but i have a date on tuesday and we are going down to coney island which you know i love.

all the world's a stage and we are mearly its players

saw the new york classical theater company's roving producion of as you like it last night. was quite good. i did not know the storyline at all but their adapatation was quite easy to follow although it was easy to see they that basiclly ditched a couple plot lines and only followed the main love story (which was ok with me) and really shakespeare's language is pretty great. very poetic and he gets it (even if he does take a few too many jabs at women). i know this is cliche to say and that english teachers have been saying it for years. but you know when you just have that moment that clicks and your like oh right i get it why everyone thinks this is so great-last night, while in the beautiful parts of northern central park, fireflies all around theater with costumes (gorgeous dresses) but no props and only sets of your imagination i got it. i love outdoor theater, but it goes without saying i love evenings outdoors-minus the mosquitoes of course

hungover

2 pints, 6 hours of sleep, oj from cafe regular, lady grey with honey (b/c bite was out of english breakfast) later and i am still hungover. went on a date at cedar last night. he was cute. he's one of us in the burgh sense. definately 2nd or 3rd date worthy. i'm doing a new thing where i'm not going to contact him, even though when we parted he was like you have my info, and then went off to buy braeburn apples. arg.

i cannot believe its not friday yet.
so much to do.

conflicted.

[this is something that comes up in various forms with my shrink]

sometimes i do nice things for people, like write them notes, or get info for them unsolicited. and i really am mostly doing it out of the kindness of my heart, but also to get some acknowledgment, and it drives me crazy when i don't even get an acknowledgment for it, let alone a thank you. it makes me want to stop doing nice things for other people, except that i like doing nice things for others. i like it a whole lot more when it seems like they noticed at all though.


unrelated note-just popped into my head but actually totally fits with what i just wrote, b/c his lack of reaction would always piss me off-i threw away notes/cards i wrote chad yesterday. these were all items that i wrote him and gave to him, but he never did anything with and i found buried on the floor near my night-stand (mac spell check is real into hyphenating anything involving two real words but i don't know if they are compound words or should be separate!). i would not throw out anything 1) i wrote and did not give him b.c that was probably just a journal entry for me and worth keeping 2) any cards/letters he gave me. i certainly don't sit and re-read them every night (hyphenation my own doing) but he was a big and good part of my life and if you've been in my room or actually know me at all you know i am creating my archives and i can't throw away any pieces (the letters to him should be in his archive)

the moon is huge and luminous

its the moon illusion. i got emailed about it from nasa via one of the beantown ladies.

does it help that i know if i was in a relationship it wouldn't make any of these transitions any easier? no, it just makes me realize i can't hide behind that. in some ways life is just going on, in others lot of shit is happening. maybe if i write it out it will all work out better upcoming in the life of lisa: debt instead of just being broke, unsureness about my apt and if i need to move/where that would be; [what is the proper word for unsureness, bc i'm sure as hell that that is not a word even without the red line under it]; navigating through the student loan process, [this is not in order of intensity of stress or change-just a list; the permanent moving away of my closest friend in nyc-which brings up lots of sadness and lots of insecurities about her and i's relationship and the future of my social life after her; the levinerman's wedding-a social situation where i fear feeling out of place, feeling awkward and not good enough around all these 'adults' that have these expectations of me-which somehow i think are not ones of success, of my toast not wowing the crowd, inferiority complexes-these things all don't really have anything to do with the levinermans-their wedding is just a venue for it all to come pouring out, but they've discovered that themselves already; the moving to a different country of a central person in my park slope jew crew; the moving to a different country of my back-up shabbes plans; all my work friends, at least two of which i'm close to, are moving to different cities; the expense of the back-up shabbes plans's wedding and how i have to be on the uws and all professional less than 18 hours after their wedding, quitting my job after four years, training my replacement, starting school full time, student teaching, really having to be at work on a regular and early schedule; oh wait this was just supposed to be about changes in my life.

ok if you got bored with that paragraph let me recap the big changes:
social support and friend network
what i do with my days
why i do what i do with my days
possibly my housing situation
possibly my financial situation

down to 2 nerve credits. am going to try not to buy anymore and also not to post on craigslist for at least another month.

currently feeling subdued in social situations. esp when the moving of mickey comes up. i wont lie it makes me scared in a lot of ways. part of me so wants to go back to the summer after college where i dated boys (and got my dad really pissed at me after one such date) and worked and read a ton and just hung out with hoya and tilda every night and it was so chill. except bring in slip and slide buddy and the wasp and mickey. these are pretty much the people that i always feel comfortable and chill and having a good time with even when maybe the time sucks.

ok. if i can put away all the shit that is on my bed and do my laundry tonight, the night will be a success.
actually the night will be a success if i can get into the 12th street ladies apt and welcome our guate girl back brooklyn style. welcome back jenn, lets go to every free thing we can this summer.

loki.

green eyes and shaven legs

ignore the typos i'm drunk and just had to witness my boss dancing horribly. god i hope i don't look that bad.

not a boring bone in my body, and i'm cute so why no boyfriend. i'll prtetend that i'm still under the influence of more alcohol than i really am and wineyingly ask the question? why am i single.
sometimes i act over the top when drunk. i don't really think worse than anyone else but still.
how do you know i was at a jewish wedding today? by the ridiculous amount of pork and shrimp served during the schmorgasboard cocktail hour.

i really do have more interesting thoughts, like on the rooftop films series from last night and being outside in moonlight and taller than other buildings and digital representations of digital representations and incorporation of realtime dv into stuff, and the fountain at lincoln center on friday night and stuff, but i've had too much wine and am going to drink some water and go to bed.
lisa

ps
thanks for the rides today and for the yummy eats. y'all rock.

fun facts

http://www.creativetime.org/programs/archive/2005/dreamland/links.php

i hate my new haircut

why did i get it cut. it was looking good, now there's a weird rectangular prism on my head. oops. oh well it'll grow eventually. and its not short enough in the back. arg.

each of the past two nights i've been woken up by a phone call, chatted and then the next morning something makes me have a vague idea i spoke with someone the night before only to really be sure by checking my phone log.

no more dates at the gate for me. they seem doomed. i ran into my coworker last night, he commented that i need to stop dating the same type of people. i guess that's true. oh well. someday.

oh i got an email from my boss yesterday asking me to work with the NYC BOE to get someone else's kid into a non-district school in september. is this my job?

quickly

what the fuck is with 'lol' its everywhere these days. what does it mean? i've gotten some different replies when asked this. but more importantly how did it gained such a prominent usage in our on-line vernacular in the last 7 months? it makes me think of the secret sappy saying that every sorority has that they sign all the notes with and say at formal meetings.

ikea. its a crazy and possibly beautiful place. and rock on with my new cheese grater and wine glasses.

got my financial aid info and boy am i broke. or going to be. i should start investigating a cheaper place to live.

got my first student teaching placement. ha-this is all becoming real.

heat and humidity. and crazy dreams. i guess life goes on.

why won't anyone write me back on nerve anymore? i think my current profile sucks (point_breeze), but i wasn't getting anything from the last one we'll see.

schmoozing at sinai

(happy birthday chad, he's old)
so last night i went to the santock's for a yuntive festival meal. as always the food was awesome. shuvi makes yummy dressing to go with yummy potatoes. really they make yummy everything. it was an intimate crowd, which was good b/c they have no ac. then i accompianed them and rafi and to the jcc for their 'stay all night' tikkun. i am rarely shellshocked by this city any more, but generally when i am it comes to the confluence and concentration of jews on the UWS, and just their sheer number and also variety of practice, seriously on a hot sunday night for a holiday that most people do not celebrate (although apparently all isrealis do by the overwhelming numbers there) the place was packed-packed, and while there was the requisite bit of a meat market to it, and while some of the programs were super cheesy and trying to bring the unaffilaited in, there was real learning and programing from 10pm-5am. i left at 12:30 would have been earlier but i ran into someone on the way out. we were totally amazed at how many people were there, and not all our age. crazy. i'd rather go back out into the woods next time though.


i hate supervising people. mainly b/c i'm bad at it and feel like i explain things in the most boring manner-great for someone who wants to be an educator...

enough with the jonathan safran foer

does his new book suck or is he a genuis. i guess that i shouldn't just dismiss it off hand, although at least one of the 3! reviews it got in the times totally panned it. maybe i'm jealous, i want to be basically my age and married and owning a brownstone in park slope and having written a book i think is required reading for my generation, but what's with salmon rushdie singing his praises so much. and also why is the advertising for it fucking everywhere. ok i'm totally jealous, but i'm still not going to read the book.

you've got to be kidding me. i just found this: http://www.theprojectmuseum.com/ its his website. i am so fucking jealous of him its out of control. i mean i thought it was cool when he played god via the lcd display at pinchick's hardware a couple years ago and answered random questions, but this is out of control. seriously i am turning so read with anger. i think he belongs to the coop. i must stalk him and make him my friend.

support groups

i really want to start a support group for the two people in my life getting married in the next 4 weeks for dealing with the mother figures in their lives and their weddings and their moms in life in general. the moms kind of have the same voice over the phone and don't look terribly un-alike. i chuckle listening over the conversations, but i also feel bad for their frustrations, seriously they should do a stand up a routine.

yesterday my shrink said that i should start to think about what i want to do about meds and therapy when i leave my job here, hello huge life transistion, while i'd like to give up both i think the smart thing for now is to give up neither. unless maybe she thinks i'm cured. that would be cool

and also do you know the major reason i want a boyfriend over this summer? to pretend that i live in pgh where one of the greatest things about summer is going upstreet for ice cream or coffee or if its a really indulgent night both. 7th ave= forbes ave and i want someone to go to maggie moos with and walk around as we eat our yummy (over priced, esp b/c jason bloch isnt giving it to us for free) ice cream and just people watch and shoot the shit the night away. going for ciao bella last night with silver was close, but not quite the same. who wants ice cream? ogh wait i don;t fit into my dresses-i am going to look for girdles tomorrow night....

did i mention i hate humidity?

cause i do.
we put in the air conditioners the other night, but its too early in the season to use it in my opinion. 1) my air conditioner is old and so not in any way energy efficient and so its bad energy use wise and also drives up our bills. did i mention i'm broke? also if i use it now, what happens when its totally unbearable in august?

last night on the train on my way home from very yummy but uber expensive caio bella cabernet sorbet the woman next to me flipped open her cell phone battery cover to reveal a little mirror. i was fascinated. i really wanted to ask if she put it in there or if it came with it. i kind of found it brilliant.

i got my ass kicked in tic tac toe in class yesterday. it was a sad moment. at the philharmonic on tues there were a lot of people there wearing baseball caps during the performance. emily and i did not approve.

arg humidity and being broke.
l8r

damn

i wish i could write like michael kimmelman, or maybe i just wish i was him. his review of the richard serra exhibition was awesome, the first page (on-line) expressed emotions that i totally feel about arts and wish that i could convey in my thoughts words, or when i try to write explanations or descriptions on this thing. i also want to go to bilboa to check this shit out. i have to admit i'm not a huge frank gehery fan. i think that his stuff is most exciting civil engineeringwise, so the guggenheim wouldn't be a big draw for me on its own. but add this up there with james turrell stuff out in arizona as large scale art i want to travel to see. did you see the pics online? how could i not love?

non sequitor-lornely great new word. you can figure out its meaning. its been me a lot recently. (can't take credit, i doubt silver coined it, but i stole it from him)

so much to say

sat night before, initating another round of the lisa and silver merry go round, at the damigers housewarming the most wonderful levitt (in for too short a time from vancouver) and i fought over flirting with a guy. it was pretty funny, i haven't been in direct compeitition with anyone for a while, and certainly not her for even longer, kinda since the early chad days. but of course he is flying out to north dakota this week to drive his live-in girlfriend across country. he part time live/works out a van selling his photos-how could i not love?


got my bank street welcome packet. fuck i have a lot to do over the summer and am a bit overwhelemed by the scope of what i'm enterining into but i'm good enough smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.

had a very full sunday after i got out of bed (have a i mentioned how fucking hot my apt is-this is an issue) went to the flea market at habana outpost, got a new tote bag (not organic cotton, but cheap) and a nice ring. i liked what they had going on. like that the place is solar powered, don't get that they use disposables....and i didn't see the bike that runs the blender! then had a travel adventure getting to astoria to go to the noguchi musuem which i was totally into-have a bunch of notes that i might post later, basically his stuff either evokes raw emtion or calm or whimsy. i like. then checked out what was at socrates, as usual wasn't so impressed. but its nice to go. one peice is falling about, its made out of styrofoam and i wonder if brids are pecking them to death or little kids are snapping them in half. stopped by union sqaure to see keith's stuff (see above) then had to run back to brooklyn for a little rooftop bbq affair and got roped into watching the last freaks and geeks. which was good, but my homework is still not done for class-bad.

i understand, but i hate it

1) why it is that whenever i decided to have red meat after not having it for a ton of time it turns out to be really shitty and make me not want to have it ever again-the costco bugers at chad's dad's house a few years ago for the 4th of july, and beef ravioli last night at the otherwise lovely avodah benefit. but i was maybe thinking that i needed iron. ok got some. no more meat for me.

2) why a good acquaintance (but not friend) and his wife who live off near the berkshires in a cool house said, "you should totally come up any weekend, just not this one because chad's there) that drove me crazy. but really i totally get it and out of respect for him and his new girlfriend i'm not getting in touch with him to ask quesions about camping or continuing to send him stuff (i am so hesitant to even write this b/c it feels very passive aggressive b/c i know he reads this)

caught in your web

1) the sweater i am wearing today has a bunch of little clasps and beading on it (its a delicate cardigan) during science meeting today my bracelet got caught on the beading and i had to spend the next half an hour of mtg with my hand up to my face, as if i were restingon my elbow, bc to get it unstuck would have either ripped the sweater or necessiated taking off the sweater- tank top not appropriate for meeting. then when i was getting off the train later in the day i walked past and got stuck to a woman wearing a webbed shirt (shows you right for wearing webbing in 2005) but i almost didnt make it off the train doors.

2) i am part of an interview team that today resulted in my interviewing a friend of mine. it was awkward, but hopefully just professionally so and it wont be an issue for us. but i don;t know if she or other people who know her read this, so to respect her i will refrain from commenting any more.

3) yesterday was a case of its a small world on the train. a couple months ago was on the train and the guy next to me was full on asleep (wellish dressed, did not look homeless or sick) and falling over-face forward. i mean seriously asleep. it was amusing but whatever. the attractive 35 year old black guy [hm that's not person first language] across the way made eye contact and exchanged a few words over the situation. last night i get on the train (a different line, different part of the city) after class and sit down, the guy across the way and half way down the train keeps looking at me like he knew me. he looked so familar to me, so i went and sat next to him. we acknowldged that we knew each other but didnt know from where. doesn't work in my building, not the same gym, his voice is not familair and i definately would have remembered the name dexter if i had come across it. then i figure it out, he was the guy from the subway with the sleeping guy. he remembered it as well and proceeded to hit on me. if we had had more exciting conversation than just 'wow small world' i might consider calling him, but since we didn't probably not

4) i'm taking a class on teaching/working with/thinking about kids with disabilities. yesterday's take home message-person
first language.

5) i ate chicken today, and might eat meat tonight. the chicken would have been thrown away and i was starving-even though it doesn't meet my meat standards (free range etc) at this benefit, which i think should have been catered vegetarian i might just have to chow down