kol sasson v'kol simcha, kol kallah v'kol kallah

mazel tov to shiloh's mommies. the wedding was beautiful, one of the most beautiful ceremonies that i have been to. S was such a bride, but she looked incredible, D looked awesome as well. Their ketubah was gorgeous in a rothko (but not as intense in the reds and oranges) style. they wrote it themselves combining line for line with the more contractual/traditional lines with verses of the bible to match. the food was super yummy, and all vegetarian-you know that's my wedding style. i was surprised that they has signature cocktails (which were just cosmos, but still). there were 6 of us straight single people, 5 women, all at the same table, the guy-S's brother, who i think is awesome. dancing them into the ketubah ceremony was great. and totally what i want. seriously, i love dancing with the couple, it is one of the best things out there. i told S and i was serious, i can only hope to feel as radiant and happy as she looked yesterday, and certainly to have so many people who will sing nigguns for me to dance to. and of course at the first wedding i am at the has benchers-they aren't personalized. they were just blank b'chol ehads. i grabbed one and am going to make them autograph them.

staying at the round house of millerton was awesome (checkout the website for all their eco-friendliness). the house is actually huge, and while its round i think the 40 ft of solar panels out front are much more distinctive than its roundness. indoor drip irrigation, awesome south facing picture windows, two-headed shower heads, gorgeous kitchen and many fun games. although apples to apples with only 3 people is a little lame, and pyschotease is crazy frustrating. and even though i have always thought they were crazy for choosing to live out there, maybe i could see some of its perks, but still not a choice i would make.

got into the israel trip

now i just need to see if my other peeps did, and more if i can get the time off.

i had other things to write but can't remember.

the fence with mexico is fucked up

i am against it. seriously are we going back to, i don't know when but some empire time over in europe.

'scuse me

why can't i find buena vista social club on my itunes anymore? its a good album for me to work to, and i have work that needs to be done, and birthday and wedding cards to make.

as hoya and i interpreted him, the rabbi was an asshole, but at least my mom liked my dress

pam looked amazing, even if there were some bridal jitters going on, and she and michael definitely radiated excitement and happiness. the 4 year old nephew without a doubt stole the show.
i made a huge faux-pas that is going to have repercussions for me, and i don't even know the people. [basically i told the brother of this couple my parents are going to meet up with in dc in a couple weeks that his brother was coming out east when he didn't know. its stupid, but in middle aged jewish land it'll be a big deal]

so i'm at cocoa bar and the totally hot dad from my student teaching class last year just walked in, way more dressed up then i ever saw him, with KA the guy who wrote down my phone number on shabbes a week before his ultra-orthodox conversion and whose tzitsis are currently hanging down practically past his knees. he is always here, i guess though the same could be said for me.

the 'jewish dancing' left a bit to be desired, so way way better than at the dc wedding, but i was still a bit surprised i would have thought it would have been more. basically just hung out with the levinerman's, her parents, and hoya. oh and got into a fight with the wanna be isreali. its really unfortunate that he is so cut, b/c he totally sucks. and i did a vodka shot with dudi because they couldn't serve tequila (since when is tequila not kosher? quick google search says pretty often, but that's pretty much bullshit in my mind). i ate a bunch of meat, and hardly saw my parents. sunday morning i woke up and they were both gone and neither left a note (assuming i would be asleep til after they got back) and they had been gone sat night. for a minute i wondered if they forgot i was coming home.

and my mother totally got on the underarm hair is the devil and is going to keep you from ever having a boyfriend again bandwagon. oh how much i love that one...

its gorgeous here, but where are my parents?

its like they forgot i was coming home or something. they didn't leave the light on last night, and now in the morning they and both cars are gone, without a note to me, but there are things slightly odd, like a little spilled milk near the new york times that wasn't cleaned up and the post gazette still in its wrapper in the middle of the living room and no note to me.
i'm going to go for a walk because its gorgeous around here. maybe they will call me.
ended up wearing one of the dresses to the rehearsal dinner last night with one of the 5 pairs of shoes i brought home that's not the pair i'm wearing tonight.

oh last night i decided that la refugee instead of calling the burgh the PGH should call it the place where people don't refrigerate their water.

they should have known i was going to move away

apparently my first step was in the airport. i never knew that before.
my parents don't remember my first word.
but for those of you who think i ask lots of questions (chi chi), you won't be surprised that my one of my early one word sentences was twestion. as in i have a question!

why the fuck do people smoke. it is such a disgusting habit. and i feel like everywhere i go i see smokers now. i thought people quit. go back to quitting people or don't take it up. it does not make you cool. just broke and smell bad. and make me think bad things about you.

i just puked in the subway

i hate hate hate hate hate that, about as much as i hate these damn headaches. this one is a fucking doozy. i'm not sure i'll be able to fall alseep to sleep it off. fuckin a.

dumbass

so guess who was up at 5am, wide fucking awake and not tired (and in some serious tooth pain) yep that would be me. if i had dental insurance or even health insurance i would be at the dentist in a heartbeat. we will see. the only time i have to go is on Wed (and even that is taking time off work) until next wed...

and now it is the time i would like to be my bedtime and i'm not that tired. but i did vacuum my room and tomorrow the fridge is being cleaned. holla. and this morning i instituted a new environmental practice that i can't always do, but is so easy. so we all know that i don't flush after peeing, but someone recently mentioned putting a bucket in the shower and collecting the water that is running when as it warms up to flush the toilet-brilliant and so simple. did it this morning. don't think i can get the roommies to go for it though. i need to get one to stop pouring drano down the drain and to learn to call the landlord to get it snaked.

umm this dress situation is out of control. bought another fucking one today.

went on a bleh jdate yesterday at tea lounge and sat next to another couple that was on a first date and across from this guy i went on an inter-date with this time last year. small fucking world.

maybe if i go do some reading for class that will put me to sleep. and i didn't even have any tea today.

errr yeah meant to say happy anniversary to sarah and marc

i've said it before, but i am unbelievably in love with the latest gomez album, esp certain songs: see the world, how we operate, and charley patton love songs in particular.

so sleeping til 2 really fucks with your system trying to get to sleep before 12. so did knocking all but 1 thing off my to do list (go me for that though). had a very nice glass of wine at bar toto with guate girl. a very nice end to a sunday. i'm glad she's my friend.

i can't find the house manger's email address for st ann's and even though the shows i want to see don't go up til the end of january and march i so want to see the new cynthia hopkins show and the wooster group hamlet production i want to pick my ushering dates now. i have a feeling the tom stoppard trilogy opening at lincoln center will pass me by however.

um. what's going on in the world? i've been out of it. north korea is testing nuclear weapons. we are still building them. last night someone was talking about how we should be outraged and working on nuclear proliferation and disarmament instead of insisting on fair trade coffee. i wasn't phased by the north korea thing, but maybe i should be. i guess i still believe in the cold war assured mutual destruction keeping us safe, but maybe that doesn't work anymore.

There is something special about the UWS/BJ simchat torah craziness

happy one year wedding anniversary to

I slept til 2 today. This really isn't ok. i need sleep but i would have liked to go to shul, and needed a few more hours of daylight to get some stuff done. and i've been having crazy dreams, unlike other crazy dreams i've had in the past. in just one part of last nights dream i was in an ann taylor, with ann taylor execs, and bought a small shirt for a dollar that oprah had worn on her show. i also bought a ton of summer dresses, i think all this stupidness over dresses to the weddings is totally getting to me.

didn't go to either of the parties i was invited to this weekend, which i feel a little bad about. but i also spent the time with people that i don't need to worry about feeling self-conscious about. although at one i think i missed the opportunity for potentially fresh blood, which is clearly what drives my every move. but also leopold probably would have been there. i don't really understand why i harbor such deep resentment towards him, but i do and i'm just not going to deal with it.

dragged myself up to the UWS for some simchat torah festivities (ran into mirkal's brother, this guy i talked to but never met from jdate who of course went to law school with the friend i was standing next to, tilda's marc, and think i saw some peeps from high school) and couldn't really deal with the small worldness of it all. or how the train is going local-and basically out to make my life much harder, esp on saturdays. getting to 110 and lenox at 9am is difficult when 3 trains are required and at least 1 is running local! but back to the specialness of BJ and as corny and scenester of a place it is, it is also really fun and has a really serious energy about it that is really satisfying to be a part of. and having an excuse to dance like that and have that energy when everyone else does is also great. my favorite part was the guy who was talking swigs of jack daniels from a flask in his pocket during mourner's kaddish in the sanctuary.

at drinks afterwards we got into talks about synagogue membership. it was me and 2 couples, none of us are members anywhere, but one couple goes to BJ every week but their dues would be $2700 a year, but currently they also pay no money. but went to drisha for high holidays and gave them money. its an interesting thing how we use these communal organizations and when and why we decide to support them financially or not. putting your money where your mouth is, is very powerful, its just a question of how much money...

did you know that hell houses existed, or what they actually are if you did. i passed on going to the le freres corbusier's one at st ann's but mainly b/c it wasn;'t the kind of show that would have ushers so i couldn't go for free but how excited am i for the wooster group's hamlet and the new cynthia hopkins show!!! but i read the review in the times yesterday. when they are put on non-ironically these things are freaky-they show ways that either non-christains or non christan behavior will send you to hell..

another random thing. i find it odd how my roommate's boyfriend never speaks. he's not deaf or mute, i have heard him speak, just very little and very rarely.

bitchass cease and desist

towels are a precious commodity in my life. so i had this house guest last week who had her girlfriend crash with her (without asking/notifying). and honestly i didn't care. but then she didn't give back the key and left some stuff at our place. so 2 nights ago she just decided to come and crash, again with the girlfriend. i also found it kind of amusing and didn't really mind, although i know some of you would be horrified. what pisses me off is that they used two fresh clean towels, now not to be used again. I had put their towels in the laundry pile previously as i didn't know they were coming back, so they took 2 new ones. dude what if i had house-guests this weekend? then i wouldn't have enough towels. and i'm broke and don;t want that extra weight meaning extra money when i drop off my laundry... (and yes i know it would be cheaper if i did it, but time is still money)

best hot chocolate in the city: 71 irving place

better than cocoa bar and cheaper too.
having happy hour drinks with an interesting combo of people tomorrow. but at least one of them i've been trying to cultivate as a friend. and the other one would score me radical points.

i cannot imagine teaching 30 kids. maybe its in part b'c my room is tiny, but 15 is a lot to handle and my k-2 science club of 7 kids is way more than i can handle. at least they haven't all stopped speaking english and reverting to what they speak at home (3 russian, 2 spanish, 1 hebrew, 1 french)

small world

i just ran into a guy i went to high school with on the subway. he was hot as hell in high school. still attractive but not crazy so. apparently he moved up here 6 months ago with hid girlfriend and works downtown at an international ngo. i always knew he would stop smoking pot and end up doing something cool.
i told him i was teaching, he asked public school? and i felt inferior to say no private. but all kids regardless of religion or socioeconomic status deserve a good education. and i felt like i needed to add it, but i'm in museum education and i'm teaching in the park to make it seem like i hadn't sold out. and i haven't. i am also not yet able to be licensed.
in any case it was a small world encounter and crazy how we both glanced in each other's directions and though i haven't seen him in 10 years was able to instantly think-jake. (last name took me longer to feel sure about)

apparently i want to relive the shitty parts of college

where i got behind in my work so started skipping classes. i was not prepared for either of my classes last night so i skipped the first one (if i miss another i fail) to work on the papers for both. 1 is now done the other has a rough draft. at this point i just want to pass this degree, no one is going to care about my grades. and i;ve been on top of my teaching shit. except yesterday i set my alarm for pm instead of am and woke up 33 minutes before my first class started. good thing i live so close to work. i made it. even after wasting 5 minutes changing my shirt continuously instead of busting out of my apt.

500 violent deaths a day on average in iraq since the US invaded. 2.5% of the population. that is ridiculous.

here we go steelers-apparently on the road to nowhere

went over to schwartz's last night to watch the game. he really does have a nice apt, that i think he's paying pennies for. esp now that he has a real window and not just a skylight in his room. the game went poorly, but i got to try thai cafe finally-6 years later. it was yummy but i had to order 2 entrees to make the delivery min and forgot the other one in the fridge. it was the late game so i just crashed there. schwartz is many things, but he is definitely a good cuddler. (and no nothing else happened, gross) as i was waking up i stretched out to grab walter, except i wasn't in my bed, and grabbed the cat who totally screeched. oops i knew there was a reason i wanted to move away from that cat several years ago.
hopefully will work in the park today. and hopefully get a bunch of work done.
cheers.

yesterday was a long good day. today i haven't left my room yet and need to go to the zoo for school

first day of the kids went well. and while my co-teacher and i are definitely not on the same page for teaching style and goals i didn't want to kill him. i'm not so into negotiating this co-teaching sit, but it does make me less stressed about the responsibility and planning. i also need to step back and not lead everything all the time. but he wanted the kids to call us MS. and Mr. last names. I was like, uhhh brookburg is just fine.
after work it was a gorgeous day and after wedding crashing on 3! at the conservancy gardens i went to the silverware show at cooper hewitt which i have been wanting to see for a while, and is great. who knew that until the 1700s people travelled with their own utensils that had carrying cases and in many cases were designed similar to some camping gear these days. and the cafe had yummy chocolate chip cookies and the outside garden was so gorgeous to sit in. i really need to figure out when i am going to hit the chihuly show before it closes in the bronx.
i don't think i actually got in the sukkah last night at the 12th st ladies sukkah party. which was of course fun to be outside. la-refugee was in his winter coat and hat which made me laugh a bit.
today i wish i could teleport places so that i would be able to try parko for brunch and be at the zoo in an hour to meet my group for a project for class.

amazing

how stupid boy shit can put me in a funky mood. and how impossible it is for me to work when i'm in a funk. i recognize why i am in said funk and it has nothing to do with any of the work i have. i just have some unstructured time and no deadlines for tomorrow (although plenty for soon) so i'm feeling sorry for myself and lonely. for those of you keeping score, if its even possible to keep score any more-or even worth it-pretty much got final confirmation from the israeli that nothing is going to happen there.
in some ways i really want to be in a relationship. in some ways i have no time for one. it drove me to jdate where i found nothing. and jdate in the burgh is pathetic. and i'm not going to post on CL b/c i have no intention of writing anyone back i don't have the mind space to deal with it, and that would be rude to waste everyone's time.

hey greg, not sure how often you read this, but i'm sure aha will alert you to it, but i am going to take sailing lessons next summer. i have wanted to for a while and have just decided come hell or high water i'm doing it! i could have emailed you that, but why not send a blog shout out since i read about it in your blog...

reigster to vote!!!

oh yeah, if you haven't register to vote its not too late-but will be soon.
the deadline to register in new york in october 13
www.govote.org will help you get register in any state (you will still have to print out the form, sign it, and send it in to the address they give you.

giving money on your mind?

its that time of year when a lot of people i know think about making charitable donations places. i got a list of organizations that are doing relief work after the war for both israelis and lebanese civilians. i hadn't found any but now have a list and so if you are interested here are a couple (descriptions from the sheet I got):
American Near East Refugee Aid www.anera.org-offering critical support to Lebanese civilians retuning to their homes after the summer's violence. AJWS has worked with them in the past.
International Rescue Committee www.theirc.org IRC grew out of Holocaust rescue efforts initiated by Albert Einstein and is currently distributing hygiene and household supplies to hundreds of people who fled the recent violence in Lebanon and took shelter in a refugee camp in Southern Beirut.
Magen David Adom www.afmda,org Israeli equivalent of the Red Cross
The Israel Emergency Fund '06 of the New Israel Fund- www.nif.org NIF address social justice issues in Israel paying particular attention to issues of civil rights, social /economic justice, and religious pluralism and tolerance.
Physicians for Human Rights in Israel www.phr.org.il PHR Israel works for the advancement and defense of health-related human rights for all residents of Israel, Gaza, and the West Bank.

why is money such a taboo subject? sure we talk about it all the time but not in the day to day this is how we spend ours kind of way. rent is as close as we get, and mainly that's just in big urban areas.

gamar chatima tova

asking forgiveness is damn hard. and the most effective way to do it is the hardest. writing a mass email puts yourself out there but can also seem trite and perfunctory. writing a personal email is better. it acknowledges specific wrongs and transgressions, but it doesn't put you face to face with the person where you will see their immediate reaction and have to have (possibly) a conversation and work to a real understanding.
asking forgiveness 3 hours before kol nidre also seems not so sincere in some ways, and possibly depending upon the circumstance it takes that long to be able to recognize and come to terms with one's transgressions. but i think so often we mean to atone and come with an open heart to yom kippur but for many reasons, mainly i think because admitting mistakes and talking about them and asking forgiveness is hard and not something that we do a lot in our society, where we hate to be self reflective. and so often in our generation and mental states when are we self reflective its self critical and we end up beating ourselves up when that is also not appropriate. this is a big issue for me and it makes asking forgiveness and coming to terms with the complete record of my actions over the past year even more difficult. i am trying. but i still can't pick up the phone and say to my mom, i'm sorry for the times when i've been a brat, i can do that. but without the its because i feel this, and when you do that it makes me feel such and such a way-its even harder and scary and i don't know how ti will turn out. and i never will until a try.

will i do that in the next 3 hours. unlikely. but i have spent some time going over my past year and making hopes for this current year. and i hope to be the best, most honest and upstanding person i can be standing up for myself and advocating for others without a voice this year. if i've wronged you i'm sorry. the most likely intent was never to harm you, but to somehow make myself feel better and was unaware of the impact on others.

stradling the litvak/galitzianer line

and who knew? queens is the place for employed writers. met several of them who live there this evening. brooklyn still the place for unemployed writers (all of the famously published ones excepted of course). guess i need to start dating in queens given my track record with the unemployed writers.
went to la refugee's 30th b'day party tonight. i want him to be my friend, and want his friends to be mine as well. i knew there was another park slope out there (ok most of the people i talked to live elsewhere in the city but still) and apparently they all either worked for the forward or are related to someone who worked for the forward. it was a 30th b'day party and i was surprised how many people were married and how many cute guys were there. there was a considerable overlap. i was about to hit on 'schelpping through the alps' til i realized who it was. i assume his wife was at home with the baby as he seemed to be alone and was certainly sans child.

also saw a dance performance in a large WPA era pool tonight. it was the second incarnation of a show i saw last year. there were more poignant moments this year, including when the entire cast got completely naked in a totally non-sexual way, which was actually the highlight of the show, as were some of the kids scenes, but overall i felt like it had a been there done that feeling. i thought it would be same trick to pull you in all new choreography but a lot of the pieces were the same, and not as impressive or kitsch value the second time. but its always cool to see performances, especially dance in new spaces.