why do i always feel lonely

yuck.

sadly fell asleep and missed the second half at pina bausch last night. had kinda crappy seats and the dude in front of me was super tall and it was hard to see and i just gave up. the first act was good, and i was seriously into the soundtrack...the engineering of the stage was cool.

what was not cool was the totally lame projecting of tweets that were hash tagged about the performance in the lobby before the show. beyond lame.

2 days off...

busy day for posting

lucky you readers...
the idea of this new blog the nytimes in doing in conjunction with NYU about the east village sits with me the wrong way, and its not just about how sad it is that the east village has been run over by nyu. more like that doesn't seem like independent journalism, that seems like getting paid to paint a good light on an area. truth, all i have read or know about this blog is the headline saying nytimes and nyu partnering to write a blog about the east village.
i dunno but it seems like the nytimes has dumbed down its local coverage lately. there has been a whole lotta fluff

why does my spell check not recognize partnering...oh b/c i spelled it wrong

mellow day

a good friend's father passed away yesterday. he had been fighting (successfully it had seemed) cancer for a while and gotten some bad news, but this was totally sudden. i feel unsure what to do or say, of course my friend feels that way even more so. i sent some overpriced food from whole foods. it makes me feel better....

went to dumbo arts fest today, was a little disappointing, but also didn't attack it in quite the right spirit, but is also seems a little more commercial/mainstream than it has been in the past--which shouldn't affect the quality of the art in the studios,, and it didn't but did affect the atmosphere and amount and what the stuff ouside/in not traditional spaces was like. if i had gone on my own or with another friend i may have felt differently.

i had a baby totally not be able to keep her eyes open in my arms today, it was totally adorable, but i also had a little irrational freakout of what if i had held her wrong or something and she was passing out. i'm sure kids with shaken baby syndrome cry and she's fine, but it was a little surreal watching her eyes get droopy and close and open to close again.

also ate way too muhc junk/sweet todays. feel yucky and don't want to go buy seltzer across the street. MUST BUY SODA STREAM ASAP

i don't know how to clean bathrooms

there is a small part that is i can't be bothered, but seriously it's one of life's lessons that i never quite got--like how to put on make up. so i try, but prob not enough nor hard enough and it looks half ass. the shower is cleaner than it was, but not sure that makes it clean.

helped out in the 'farm' a bit today. hope to make it to dumbo for arts fest. hope marathon will come with.

successfully wore high ass heels for most of the night last night without major pain today or even last night. but don't know if i would have made the walk to/from the subway. the flip flops were key for that.

what will this be the winter of?

hopefully not my discontent, or however that goes. never read it.
did finally pick up the latest believer. oh how i love that mag.
i did very little but sleep with my day off today, hope to do more tomorrow.
and hope to go to shul next week. craziness. but also depends when marathon's brother is coming in.
we are having a special date night sat night. should be "interesting"
my special friend is going on maternity leave at the end of oct. we are sort of in a very expensive holding pattern til then. don't love that the forced break will occur during the dark times of the year. but also i'm basically doing ok. could we have the break now?

blog notes

there are more but they slipped my mind
--i am overwhelmed by life now that i am back to work, as in, huh how can you possibly expect me to make the bed, or any other simple thing (i worked the same amount of hours this summer, but it was different) or get anything else off my to do list
--old town. oh how i love you. you changed your mustard. good and fancy but not as good.
--loving reading steinbeck's travels with charley. kinda think it would be a great book to teach
-referenced "the new yorker article" to a friend today and she knew exactly what i was talking about, a somewhat recent and quite topical to her one but still

my special friend told me she doesn't think i seem like i really want a kid

and i have to say after my baby sitting stint, i have not had the same baby fever.

after 2 days and 2 good classes i am loving teaching math, and i think the kids are having fun, we'll see what it's like in 3 weeks or months

the psuedo in-laws are going/gone. i didn't go to queens to say goodbye and i feel bad about that, but it would have been a lot of train for a little pay off and no dinner.

taking the handstand class. its awesome. i hope to move towards being able to do a tuck up. there is some pyschological stuff to get over, like i'm not going to fall over or kill my head. and also i need to get my abs in serious shape. they are stronger than marathon's but not enough.... i hope i excersize more. it makes me feel good.

read a book about traditional tea life in japan. it was awesome. i ended up not going to bed last night to finish. surprising, but i recommend the teahouse fire.

i keep hearing ringing, don't think in my ear, but not sure where it is coming from

thoughts

being a good girlfriend means giving up what you want to do sometimes. and having a kinda crappy not fulfilling last day before work.
but so it goes.
also my psuedo inlaws are staying with us tonight, and for i don't know how long...nor do i know where i am sleeping this evening (my apt, but my bed or the futon)

i had thoughts on the pgh trip, and my parents, and my relationship to them. but its raining and crappy out. but at least i'm drinking some tea.

working in marathon's farm/garden/suckerville plot

first time i went down there to help out. have given 3 hours. have nothing else to do today so will leikely give 2 more. am tired. want to work on puzzle we started last night. its hard. but fun. but also want to be outside. so back out yonder i go.
south beach in staten island is our new place, and if you take the bus over the bridge its really not such a big deal. found a russian-unclear resturant we may try, the guy first started speaking to me in russian-i think, they had to go find a menu in english for me to look at.
ok back outside i go.

hmmm

it will be an interesting year.
my boss bought me a gift. very strange. this is the second-"just thinking of you" gift i have gotten from her. not everyone gets these.
was so pissed at work today for 2 reasons. 1 totally my fault, i didn't do what i should have and got caught. the other someone else's fault but i have to deal with it.

met a cute, but kinda cry-y baby today. so sweet.

3 year anniversary was yesterday. dinner company was nice, food not so much.