seagulls

saw them flying over my house a couple times this week as i was coming home.
not a sight i have seen before around here. certainly i have seen seagulls before.
i am in a bad way again. in some ways aren't i always. but this getting out of the house or doing things thing is hard. yikes.

i also fucked up our floors. double yikes. nice big scratches on formally nice floors, b/c i just wanted to do something

one good thing about this warm weather

i naturally eat less/eat better. heavy food just isn't appealing.

mildly obsessed with the nytimes hawk cam, saw them moving around-apparently they switched places. wish i knew how to id bobby and violet

making farro. not sure correctly. takes a damn long time.

seriously sunburned from just walking around today. not good.

i am the yarn over queen

not that i know what yarn overs are, other than they create holes and i have lots of holes in my knitting at the moment.

still haven't called my doctors. this is problem. not what sure why i am so scared to.
also need to pay bills.

oof.
life.
.

back to overcast life.

highlights:
-watts towers
-garden at the getty
-lamb stew, matza granola, the first batch of chocolate clusters
-the seattle contingent
-follow your heart
-pesahdicy rolls at aroma
-brother in law picking us up from airport at 8am on a sunday

lowlights:
-uber controlling ness and stressfulness of kitchen issues
-how shitty my foot looks after expensive pedicure
-falling off bike while not moving and needing to walk bike up hill (don't think real mountain biking is for me)
-didn't see my cousins
-everything else about aroma
-spending so much time inside

coolness:
-learned to knit
-beautiful hills on walk/hike
-beautiful valley on mountain biking light romp

other:
marathon declaring his hate for winter and desire to move to socal and that seattle wouldn't cut it
-starting to understand at least the west valley grid
-went to rei, got new chacos

overstuffed and have not been active in days

and will sit on 2 flights for hours today. i bought a ticket to the wrong airport. which makes me super annoyed that i am not flying non stop. the point of switching planes was to go to burbank, not to lax. blah.

i have no idea if any of my warm weather clothes will fit. my regular clothes feel snug. also i forget how to pack in general.

too much dessert makes me belly feel like its pushing at its limits

but it was yummy
two early nights home after dinner with my parents.
my mom made a big statement to me that we did not get to discuss b/c of our mutual awkwardness and then my dad coming in. for once i wish i was going to sf this week. i wonder if my mom has a sf these days. i think i would know about it if she did.

taxes done. got federal refund and owe the state. not the first time this has happened to me.

the fiddle is the vilin, dissapointed by my love the lap steel

went to barbes for the first time in a year, if not more tonight. mainly liked the band. the last song was awesome. i am normally totally capitalized by the lap steel--why is it a guitar? why steel? what is the bar thingy? but the one in use tonight had a therminesque twang and also looked like it was electric and/or the base? was made of ikea esque wood--no beauty

isn't it crazy the same instrument is used to pay the violin or the fiddle and how different they sound. i don't see the difference in playing style which makes the difference.

sat outside at a cafe and read around dinnerish time and saw several families with young kids reunite for the day, dad clearly coming home from work. not gonna lie it tugged on my heart strings. everywhere was full of babies and young kids out today. i guess the nice weather will do it.

sf was all about kids and do i want them or not yesterday and when and how to make the choice--and then what about marathons choice.

i kinda just want a ring on my finger from him. no need for a ceremony. just something i can wear adn show to the outside world and as a reminder to myself when i am alone.

had some disturbing thoughts about what would happen if he died, would my parents go to his funeral, what would my role be, who would be responsible for dealing with all his stuff, how could i go back to having roommates. and mainly how much of a little kid i would feel like during that process. a little of this comes from him not calling me before he got on the plane. wtf.

no coffee in the morning. need to get to work early--my own fault. reading a book i was liking, think i will continue to but i just read the back cover and now i'm not as confident. the believers by zoe heller.

non-comforting thing my special friend said to me today

life is suffering, or maybe she said life is full of suffering. either way.

went to both handstand classes this week. both had straddles as a theme. think i might be making progress. tonight's teacher is not a fun, but is a good class, i think her teaching style is like mine. which kinda makes me worry about my classes, not the not fun, but the not giving everyone as much attention as she could/should and giving more to some rather than others.

yikes

dropping the ball all over the place in some seriously bad ways. i will be fine. but oops.

zooborns overload

too much cuteness, can't take it in, feeling fairly numbed by it.

looks to be warm enough to ride my bike this week ans had a nice bike ride yesterday. but if its cloudy that doesn't make me want to ride to work.

to craft or not to craft. and what to craft.

i think i got sunburned yesterday. a little scary. and annoying. and doesn't stop me from wanting sun today.

left the house before 1pm. and about to go out again.

=winning!

hopefully this bike ride will not equal fail.

nope it did not. 16 miles in 3 hours plus some stopping time is not bad for me. i think i will be able to make it to the rockaways this summer and my back didnt kill but i cant really change gears, something is wrong with my bike. issues with dealing with it. doubt that this year is the year for a brand new bike.

rode down bedford all the way. who knew what midwood high school looked like or that brooklyn college has such a college campus or that there is a sears roebuck with the main entrance on the parking lot. also made it to manhattan beach for the first time-it's small.

was chilly but was nice to be outside and somewhat active and out of the house and see new places. also tried new coffee shop. meh.

marathon filleted a fish today. bleh.

did drop in on wed handstands

did better than mon but not awesome-although i think i might be making a break
through.
enjoying the book i'm reading, and sad i will likely finish it tomorrow. an ethnography of the art world. a lot of lines i'd like to underline and then copy here, but there are too many to then make any one line stand out.
what will i read next?

my parents are coming in next weekend. should be nice, means i don't have to worry about plans while marathon is gone. not so much looking forward to this trip, but it will be fine. but i think no beach and no getty for me.

had some second graders remark how much faster i type than they do. it was pretty cute.
maybe i'll bring in some felting to do tomorrow. likely not.

but i do like it gets darker later

couldn't even hold for 30

hasn't been that long since my last handstand class. not sure how i feel about this teacher. but will stick with her class. hope to do some wed drop ins.


this was started mon.

in case you were wondering..still lame

beautiful out and i'm still in pjs.

kinda lame expensive dinner last night. have some more money on a certificate there, otherwise wouldn't go back. kinda wanted to ask if the balance could be used at the pizza place they own which is much tastier.