First date

Well I did it.
Went on my first date. It was lame. He only talked about himself, and the few times asked me anythingb turned it into talking about himself. I am not your therapist yet dude. Sadly and poor on me I judged him from hello and I.m not sure he could have redeemed himself, although clearly he was nervous and out of his element. But also thought he could get to a place inconvient from his house in a short amount of time, due you gotta know how to travel around this city to roll with me.
( can you tell I am feeling good these days).  Also of course this guy had no chance bc he's not mr civic.  And also I am having the same body issue things I had in the lead up to mr civic and just need to get over those, just like I did last time ( although while I am way stronger than I was th, and my body looks fine, I do need to get in some cardio shape b.c I am not and also they won.t let me proceed in trapeze (when I get to a point) if I ant do a pull p, which I can't.

more lonely than not but still calming

as opposed to friday's post...compliants about this summer
1) i still don't physically take care of myself
2) not enough beach days, today should have been one, but see number 1. instead of a social lovely day and beach i slpet til 3, still feel off, got to go to bbg which is lovely, but alone.
3) lonely. this weekend even though i kinda tried to make plans, none happened for any of the evenings as even though i watched some friday night lights last night. it wasn't the same.

also my apt is a hot mess and why does no one want this stupid extra bed frame?
kinda want to hang with mr civic, think i'm ready in some ways. tried seeing him at the coop the past couple days but missed him...

thus far it's been a surprisingly good summer, better than last certainly

the nights where i can't find someone to hang out with (my therapist would point out the ways i am not trying in full) are still hard and too many i don't try.
when i told my dad mr civic and i were splitting one of the first things he told me to do was to find a social outlet. i've been doing lots of social things, but not meeting people through them.

but....
have tried 2 new handstand classes (one i would go back to but the teacher was a sub and doesn't normally teach handstands and the regular class sounds full of tumbling)
am obsessed with flying trapeze-should have already ordered grips on wed if i want to fly on tues...
find walking through bbg peaceful and centering and amazed at the changes each time i go--saw a bunny last sunday
am definitely in a war with fruit flies. i won the first battle, but it seems as though they may be regathering their troops
finally felt like i threw some halfway decent things on thurs, hope that keeps up
have been enjoying my math class for the most part.

miss mr civic as a friend to hang out with
my apt is a disaster.  it could be worse. the extra bed frame doesn't help though-i have no idea how to take it apart, which is going to make it harder to sell as well...

my sleeping schedule is shifted, which isn't great for class and is going to be real bad for work if i can't get it back.

i went back to my original dose of head meds and see no ill affects on my mood.

fruit flies

thats all.

have i mentioned i love the feeling of a good trapeze class

i do.
sad that it's my hands (and their softness/condition/lack of callouses) and not money that keeps me from doing it more.  must buy grips on wed. but not sure that will be able to increase my frequency.

great night out, feels so nice.

wish i had my act together in terms of buying/owning music. bring back the burned cd! this is something i can take care of, and it is easier than ever to just own songs, which is often what i want not an album, but still.

i wonder if wash u has taken the swampiness out of the swamp.

pondering the difference between committing a hate crime and being a total utter and complete asshole

saw an altercation, started by a white guy who as part of it ripped of the turban of a sikh. technically certainly could be prosecuted as hate crime, but also turban is the easiest thing to go for, girls often go for the hair first...tried to give my name and statement of what i saw but the police wouldn't take it, nor the video another guy took.

sad end to a good day.
conservatory gardens, tried to go to jewish museum but its closed on wed. oops, went to met and saw the gary winograd photo exhibit instead.
small trapeze class, think i got in 12 runs.  tired at the end. learned one new trick. caught two i haven't caught before.

walked over to wfc and caught some of the sharon jones show and being by the water at sunset, two lovely things. left easrly as i am tight and tired and saw the above. hoping to plan out my flying for the rest of the summer (assuming the weather cooperates)

my aching hands

i feel like the teacher was off in math class today, moved slow, wasn't so fun until the end. i totally forgot what trig was, and am not sure i ever knew why it was relevant.

tried throwing some pots at open studio. not so much as it turns out. maybe the clay was centered, but i seem to throw it off center almost immediately. frustrating but i know its a slow process. although differently so for others in ways that produce pots for them and not for me.  but slowly. don't love my teacher, but will keep going.  mostly though dry hands and went straight from there to trapeze

which wasnt rained out-i assumed it would be so i signed up for wed and its too late to cancel. 5 people in the class. 3 newbies. got a lot of turns, 10? my hands were at their limit, they look beat up or on their way to callouses, which would be ok but i fear i will rip blisters on wed. only 2 people signed up for the class at the moment--ie lots of turns.  going to use crappy but better than nothing grips and maybe invest in some.

today i fly:
gazelle (most fun)
hocks off
set whip
and started to learn pullover pump shoot
(have flown: knee hang (and caught) heels off, straddle whip (caught)

i caught nothing, but only had 1 shot, going to get a log book, think i'm going to start to learn to swing (super ouch for my hands)

the way my windows face in my bedroom, i can't really keep them open during the rain or it rains in (i guess this is common) but hard to air out/get circulation.

not my circus not my monkeys

learned that expression last weekend, saw it referenced on facebook today (oh what has the world come to).
brunch, makes up for not going to the beach, except for that humidity thing.

saw the swoon exhibit and brooklyn museum and it was awesome. saw the ai weiwei exhibit where pieces were very impressive, but i didn't get a feel for him/understand him in total. reading wikipedia when i got home didn't totally clarify it either. in bother exhibits cases, questions about how they make enough money to pay themselves and the people who obviously help them with their work.

had dinner at friends tonight who have a 2 week old and a 3 year old.  during dinner the 3 year old asked where mr civic was. i said he was working (likely true). his parents were embarrassed but not me, i was more thinking about memory, we've hung out with the kid several times, and mr civic clearly (including evidence from the past) has made a big impression on him, but was kinda surprised he remembered we went together b/c we don't/didn't see him that much.

humid. currently only two people signed up for trapeze class tomorrow, might be too much for my hands-maybe they will make me grips? or maybe it will storm and there will be no class tomorrow, or maybe it will be awesome. no concentration to read books-sad. totally addicted to coffee in the morning-not good, but worse habits.

i was afraid the rain would melt me, so here i am alone

its not that bad, but it's summer so feel like i should be doing something or excersizing more if i ever want to be in shape or nimble.

decent trapeze class today in that i was the only-non first time flyer so i got in 2 goes before anyone else and then a 3rd run and then class got called for lightning. and due to timing got a full refund, so it's a bonus class.

juror duty issues. fuck me for totally missing it last time. have to postpone for at least 2 months--um thats during school! must take care of.

math class so far so good.

more to say? dunno? need to get ready for seattle.