surprise, surprise, another thing i'm a snob about

circus.
if you aren't awesome, the awe is a bit lost on me, even if your skills are way better than mine, i know how much better than can be.
historian, wtf is up with you?
too tired to write about how the main faults i find in others are things i find myself doing, ways i find myself being as exemplified by this cpr class today
i do not feel prepared for this camp tomorrow, even though i know it will be fine and good.

stood watching a hawk be harassed, but not seem to care, seem to be amused by and have insane head range of motion, by a bunch of robins and sparrows and others-mainly by chirping at it- at bbg today. also saw the bunny at bbg.

local cherries!

woo hoo.
was going to go to the beach, but it clouded over, so spent the afternoon mainly hitting refresh-hoping to hear from the historian. also made a lasagna for at least a couple lunches next week, so it's not nothing.

going to a burlesque show in a cemetery tonight. should be cool.

next day.
decent trapeze class. ouchie hands though. i dont think i grip the bar correctly...
did not wait for the hep on my second catch.  do not stay tight enough.
handstands are getting stronger/better.

historian has no time for me, wrapped up in his own life. relationships--they are all about timing. looking for my timing to line up with someone else's....

i need to get me to the beach to destress....and its all fake stress. no its real, its just unnecessary. (boys mainly, work a little)

figured out why the birds are so friggin loud this year

some sparrows have set up a nest just above my window.  i'm totally ok with that. but it does make my room much less quiet.

unclear if working for the trapeze school will happen at all.  i would really like that discount though.
pretty good class today.

not sure what's up with the farmer. or what i want to be up. he is not boyfriend material, but he also doesn't want to be my boyfriend. so i dunno.
also feel unclear about the historian (good date from the other day), we like each other but in that don't really know each other stage and don't know if it will be wort it or not, although that's part of the journey. i just wish if i knew that i could say, i'm seeing someone or not (even if it doesn't end up as a super long relationship)

essentially roommateless til july 17th. doing ok. my apt isn't a disaster yet...

daring greatly

reading the brene brown book.  it definately resonates, but not sure how to do it. wondering if i should read parts of it again.

good date last night. bbg flowers changing from purple to reds/oranges

i kinda had thought brian wilson was dead, but i guess not.
my wifi is super slow.
roomie basically moves out tomorrow, back for 1 night, new roomie (#33) moves in mid july. he's 24 maybe, and never lived outside of rochester. hopefully it will be fine.
no idea what's going on with the farmer.  hasn't contacted me in a while. wasn't willing to let him go, but he's not boyfriend material. interesting friend.
i think work friend is pissed at me, i'm not surprised, he's not actually ready to be just friends.
one of my very few work friends is changing jobs, which is good for her and might mean that out friendship could leave work, but still sad.
new boy is historian, met on okcupid, appears to have no sense of direction, attractive. short, cuddles. i have good feelings, but we'll see. interesting name.
ok i should drag myself out to get my front wheel fixed and by fixed i mean replaced-stolen in front of my house during the day last week---arg.

Was wondering who I would hear from first

beyond inappropriate man or Syrian boy. That got answered.  Also heard from my favorite 4 year old pen pal and work friend who in no uncertain terms asked me to not contact him again. Interestingly today was the first time we had a genuine smile and hi in passing in the halls. Seems to need relationship advice, I shot back questions the biggest of which was-why are you contacting me about this.

Major progress of front tuck and on generally feeling comfortable jumping higher on the trampoline today. Also a major fall that I bounced back from and didn't feel scary.
Signed up for a class at Tsny to try and get some stuff signed off.  The most important thing I still can't do, but slowly someday.  If I fly a lot this summer-twice a week, than my goal is to be working on layouts by the end of the summer.  Need to see what I need to do to make that happen.besides fly super tight and get my timing down on some tricks and be consistent with the things I do well.

I am done with some students, and one not sad to say goodbye to. Some I haven't done as well by as I could have. Some that I will still have next year, just suck.

Reading daring greatly by Brene brown, about the need to develop shame resilience, it totally resonates with me. Wish it has some exercises I could do, b.c I don't love how I give inot shame, nor the ways in which I.m not whole hearted, but do also see how I've grown in the past few years.

I miss being in a relationship.  A miss having someone to cuddle with and to tell thie stupid parts of my day to.