gratitude practice

so it looks like i'm really dating this guy. we had our first just lying in bed chat last night, and it felt really nice.
i like him.
i wonder about the typical things. i especially wonder if he will be invested in my life and hearing about my day, will he be a good listener.
then i wonder about the jewish thing, and the kid thing, i think first also there is the is he sticking around thing.

things are kinda awkward with my roomie and some of the liberties i am taking, this is why i should live alone.

its' come up a couple times in different places, the idea of a gratitude practice.  seems like a good idea. i wonder about getting lost in it, is it a place to check my privledge, to acknowledge it, how big or small, where to document it, does it need to be documented? what is the goal?

why can my students not do the work i assign them, in the way i assign them

is the thinking i'm asking them to do too high level?

started this a week ago and then ran into some login issues and it went away.

my life remains dedicated to circus, but this weekend was more all about eating and not about training than anything else.

my secret dream has been to be the great american essayist-or short form personal memoir. i am obsessed with the modern love column and the way some people hope their wedding announcement will be in the times, i hope to have a column there. both because it is vidication of myself as a writer, but also vindication of myself as a person and feeling human being and making connections to others and learning lessons.  i know this is not the only way, or even a good way for that vindication to happen, but still i think about it and wonder about it. i rarely think-would that make a good column, but more in terms of when will something happen to me that will make a good column.

i think about what i have learned about myself through circus and for sure that would work, but its not about a person, or living thing-though it is love and it is a relationship. but my work in therapy seems more apt. but while my therapist was a big part of it, was she the only one i could have worked with to affect this change and growth.

in jokier/but also more serious moments, i think i could write about my teddy bear walter and the nights i spent holding on to him when i had no one else and also how i judge a man by his reaction to walter.

but as i sat down to try my hand at this and write it out, i find myself writing what it would be about not a draft of writing it-and not even actually what it would be about.